Ok, so what about this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2006
Ok, so what about this?
2
Mon, 09-04-2006 - 9:13am

Thanks for the welcome and your posts to my other question. I guess I am feeling a little confused. I never thought about H's behavior as being "abuse" until a few days ago so this is all so new. I had always just passed it off as he's blunt, abrasive and he does have an explosive temper. BUT, we have really great times (or used to). We can actually be civil, laugh and get along. We don't really fight all that much but when we do....it is very explosive. When he's feeling nice, he actually says "if that's what you want" and sometimes he will listen if I ask him not to do things (like Sat. night he started yelling at our 2 year old son for not sitting in his chair at a restaurant--he was saying GD and telling my son he was going to bust his ass if he didn't get in the chair. I gritted my teeth and told H to stop talking to him like that. H listened and stopped.) Still, the behavior itself was inappropriate but he did stop. I recently quit my job(long story for another time) but H said he was supportive....very stressful job, running me down, etc....even though we are financially fine, he is now unsupportive of me staying home. He's started making comments like "...since I'm the only one who gets off my ass and goes to work everyday..." or "...that's your job since you're home all day and don't do anything...", "You haven't been worth a sh-- this summer..." If I say anything to him, he laughs or smiles and says "I'm just joking". I guess I don't contribute to the household if I don't bring home $$. Feeling resentful over that---since I continue to make the house payment, car payments from what I saved before I quit my job. I printed a job posting off the internet last week and he found it and told me to apply. I said I wasn't ready to go back to work (I always look at the classifieds--just to keep up with what's going on, etc.) He said it would be better if I went back to work so we could have the $$.

Another thing that really bothers me is he is not respectful of my things. His truck is his but my car is ours. He will trash the inside of my car but if I even open the door of his truck he is having a fit. He will not help with the kids, he leaves trash, clothes all over the house (since I'm not doing anything all day he says I have time to pick it all up). I guess he just makes life harder on me. It's almost like he wants me to support him (when I was working I made more $$ than he did, paid the bills, did everything for the kids, drove 2 hours round-trip to work and back, laundry, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, any small crisis we had was mine alone to figure out what to do...got the picture?) He worked a full-time job and occasionally took the trash out.

I guess a post for another time is how he never really left home. The only time we ever get his full attention is when his mother is gone (we live across the road from her). He comes home from work and gets on the phone with her, after we eat he goes to her house (leaving me alone--sometimes he'll take the kids) and I won't see him again until dark or sometimes not again at all since I will just go to bed. Oops, I wasn't going to get started on that....sorry.

See? I guess I am still confused.... H does yell at me and get in my face, he yells at the kids--profanity at my son. He has left bruises on me (not for a long time), He spanked my son until he had bruises on his butt, he has shoved me, but mostly it's the verbal stuff. He told my daughter that she was going to have to change schools (she is in private school) because she was having some problems with her homework because she couldn't handle the work. My daughter started crying and I let H have it for saying that in front of her. Is this still an abusive H or is he just an immature ass and not willing to take responsibility?

Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Mon, 09-04-2006 - 8:08pm

Hey sweetie...just letting you know, leaving bruises on your son is child abuse in my state...and the child would be taken away from both of you because you did not stop nor report it. For that matter, the screaming at a young child is considered child abuse here also.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 10:43am
Hon, this is and has been definitely physical abuse. You also definitely do NOT want to ignore the bruises on your son. I live in another state where not removing your children from the abusive situation is a crime, and people have gone to jail for this. I don't know your state or what the laws there are, but you don't want to find out the hard way.
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