!!OMG!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2011
!!OMG!!
5
Fri, 02-11-2011 - 9:30pm
Today I went to my PFA hearing. Alone. I got served while in court, with PFA from him on ME. ASKING FOR CUSTODY of our 1 year old and he has a lawyer and put a laundry list of outright lies!!! I don't know what kept me in that little separation area. I don't know how I didn't jump out of that room. I cried like a baby. There was a DV counselor with me and alll, but OMG..the outright lies.. Tomorrow will be one week since I've heard from him. If you've read from another thread, this time last week he started calling and calling from a pay phone..a car hit my trash cans out front and then when I was on lunch break the next day, I went to get gas saw the gas cap gone, with sugar residue..And happened to get a restricted call AT THAT MOMENT and I answered and it was him..and I said i wasgoing straight to the police and he said so much, but bottom line he was going to give me money for it..and I (DUMB DUMB DUMB) called him later, and he happened to get the notice that I put a notice in the paper to notify him of our court date..last thing he said was it was time to protect him..he changed his number..and that monday got an attorney and filled out so many lies- of basically what he has done to ME, but said I've done to him..And now I can'tcall the cops about the calls a week ago, they were restricted and from a pay phone anyway. I cant call about the gas cap..And he gets away with it AGAIN. And now this. As the DV said, he can write whatever he wants, doesn't mean he will be believed, or get what he wants..but OMG!! After all i've done and put up with. And when I went out ofthe little room that 'the victims' sit in, he was there with his MOTHER, BROTHER and a friend, that I guess were all ready to F*CKING OUTRIGHT LIE for him in court..I swear to god it is so hard to stay quiet. TO not have any closure, to just let him float in his sick world. So i think my parents are going to help me get an atty. I'm going Monday and the DV is going to help me amend my PFA to include much, much more and I have PROOF. I'm going to rock his world. I have had it, I have held it in. I have kept so much from everyone..if I could change something I would have made sure I told people what he did to me. I protected him..How could those people just lie for him? I'm so devastated. I'm supposed to just keep taking it and just sit at night and let it boil. My head tells me it will work out, but it is scary. You never know. He has a terrible record. He has supervised visits with his older kids. But you never know. And all of them can just keep f'ing with me. They don't have a job to keep taking off.. I needed this vent. I hope I get a lawyer. A bad a*s one. I called the DV hotline and they just told me the same thing. That line is not impressive to me. They don't have a list of lawyers that specialize in DV, just Child Inc as a resource for my area. And I have ONE WEEK. Oh, the more I think about what he accused me of. Of him asking for ME to take DV classes. FOR THE COURT TO GIVE HIM MY Baby.. thanks for listening
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
In reply to: bellaagain
Sat, 02-12-2011 - 9:32pm

Judges deal with these kinds of cases everyday,

sweets35
Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
In reply to: bellaagain
Sun, 02-13-2011 - 7:40pm
I agree with sweets35. This is usual and expected tactics an abuser uses. Be sure to get an attorney who specializes in abuse and custody. You can have a free consultation with a few before putting retainer. If you have someone with a good recommendation, that is a good bet. Else you can try this http://www.avvo.com/ to get some idea and ratings on lawyer.
It is highly likely that his side of the story will be thrown out. Especially if he already has supervised visits of his other kids. Good luck, stay strong and keep us posted. This is the time to bring forth any documentaion and proof. The fact that your DD is only 1 year..you have a strong case of getting primary physical custody. Let us know how it all went.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2011
In reply to: bellaagain
Sun, 02-13-2011 - 9:19pm

Thank you both.

My parents are going to help me with a lawyer. I'm trying to stay sane. I cannot believe his mother, brother and friend were there, ready to lie for him! Not one of them has really been around us. I would hope the judge would be able to see through his charade, but it is so scary. And I hate that I can't say anything to him. Isn't it weird that through all this, I still cry that he didn't change for our baby? That he can do this to me, after all Ive done for him? WTF is wrong with me?

anyway

I was only given a week before our trial for the PFA. We still have a custody date in April. I never wanted it to come to this, but he has just escalated continuously. Why would anyone want to deal with the courts continuously? Why doesn't he understand that he makes me so scared, which equals me calling 911? it is NOT a game. But my baby is no game. She doesn't need to hear her mother being called a fat whore continuously. She can understand a lot and it really made me think about what must go through her head when she hears him and I. The air is thick with tension when he's around. Walk on eggshells. And here I am, trying to justify why I went for a PFA. It's just sick.

I'm submitting an amended PFA, kind of an 'answer'if youwill, to the one he served me with at the court house..I'm going to outline the stand out events showing his escalating behavior since he got out of jail in March. And I have quite a few texts and voice mails to back me up. Not to mention the time line of his PFA's- I would hope the judge would think, wow, he is just being vindictive...

This is NOT where I saw my life being, but I will keep on, keeping on. AND I have a chapter 13 bko hearing tomorrow and I'm battling hypothyroidism. Thankfully, I am getting some strength back since starting synthroid on 1/30..that's a funny part to a few of his claims in his pfa..a few dates he put in, he still LIVED HERE and a few I was out on short term disability, pretty much bed ridden with undiagnosed hyperthyroidism that caused awful tacacardia (sp?), aka rapid hearbeat and terrible nausea and migraines...

I hope I get a lawyer tomorrow...that will be available immediately and on board w/ me and able to come to court Fri. I hope i get some resolution. I really want change. I would like to one day live again, in lieu of just being alive..if you know what I mean.

Thanks again.

A

ps- what is DD? I see it often?

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
In reply to: bellaagain
Sun, 02-13-2011 - 10:46pm
Hi bella, DD stands for darling daughter, dear daughter, or, in moments of extremis, danged daughter, lol! You have a lot on your plate. Good luck with it all.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
In reply to: bellaagain
Mon, 02-14-2011 - 9:31am

I'm with the others; the judge will see right through him.

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