Once again, between a rock and a.......
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 10-18-2005 - 2:53am |
hard place. What else is new?
I was so close, SO CLOSE to leaving him this week for good. I was getting ready to get all packed up. But the woman at the shelter (where I decided to go as a LAST resort) had told me I had taken too long to come to the shelter since I've been calling since early September. Supposedly, I had violated the rules of the shelter, since she checked her phone log and stated that I had told another worker there that I had informed him that I was going to a shelter. I don't blame her for protecting the shelter at all costs. It is in a confidential location and if they think that there is any chance of it being found out they will not accept you. She said that since I have been calling and talking to counselours about coming in since early September, that I must not be in dire straits right now and she needs to accept women who are.
She is right, I suppose. I have been on and off about the whole thing. Who can blame me? Who wants to go to a shelter?
Anyway, this is my question. I am again, close, so close to leaving him and I want it to be over already. I have tried Women's Housing, and you need to be on a waiting list, so that is out of the question now. I have tried to get an apartment on this complex for lower priced rent, and until I work that is out of the question. It comes down to this: I told my STBX that this situation is unbearable, and he needs to please find a very cheap place to live, even rent a room if need be, for the time that I will be in school, until I finish in about two months. It is a month and a half course, and I am due to start in two weeks.
He said he will look into it tomorrow. I am holding on with everything I have because this is my chance to continue to stay in this apartment, while learning, without disrupting my daughter's lives. It will be perfect for me. He is doing all of this slower than I would like him to; he says he will get a room for two months if it is at a certain price only. I told him, we will cut back on everything and once I'm out of school, I will get a job. Then I will move out and so will he; we will both get smaller apartments. They actually had an apartment ready for me here, but because I am not working as of yet, and STBX does not meet the minimum salary requirement needed to hold down TWO apartments, then I could not get the apartment.
So again, I am holding on with everything I have. I have decided to give it one more week. If he finds an apartment, thank G-D. If he doesn't I will go to a shelter that is much farther away than the one which would have allowed me to stay in this area with my girls. This means (if I go to the distant shelter) that my older daughter's will need to switch schools (I've already come to terms with this) and I will need to delay my own schooling for about three months. I will need to get a job at the shelter, then somehow relocate closer to the school I plan to attend, and make plans to fit it in in about three months. So again, I am giving it another week. What else can I do? If I know there is a slight chance that he will move out, I will hold on a little longer. But if not, then nothing can ever take the place of being somewhere with your own piece of mind. He is not physically abusive (yet) but psychologically. His presence is unbearable to me at this point. Wish me luck, girls.
