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One quick question...
| Thu, 07-15-2004 - 4:32pm |
What are some "tests" or trial runs, that you have tried on your spouse, to see if they would still get angry over a certain issue? I'm curious to see if I need to test him in a certain way.

There are no tests, you should not even be trying to think of testing him somehow. What you have to do is to learn about the dynamics of abuse and do what YOU need to do for YOU!
To try and make our abuser either see what they are doing or try to bring to light what they are doing, you are doing nothing but setting yourself up for more abuse.
Contact a local shelter, find counseling there for yourself. Shelters offer many resources outside of just a safe haven. They can help you with legal, emotional and financial matters and will help you find "trained" abuse resources.
Abusers will react with more severe violence if you try to "test" them. They will see that you are not being held with what used to work and they will escalate the abuse until they find what will. Do not let this happen to you!
Read the articles on this boards homepage, use the links, educate yourself on the dynamics, seek counseling for yourself only. You cannot do this alone, because without the right advice and the right counseling, you will do nothing more than make it worse on yourself.
I hope you continue to post, ask and vent here with us, as we are a community of people who have been through, going through and have found freedom from where you are now.
Abusers are calculating, manipulating people. They have no problem with elevating the abuse in order to get us to give in, and I'm afraid for you that if you seek ways of trying to test your abusers limit, it may indeed put yourself in greater danger.
Hugs and Please be careful