oops-a vulnerable moment
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oops-a vulnerable moment
| Wed, 03-21-2007 - 8:42pm |
Sent an e-mail to my partner. Sincere, authentic, loving. Got back a real "victim" and subtly "blaming" statement, designed to minimize me and undermine all the good that I offered.

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Hi Beth,
Nice to see you around again..
You said it.. you sent her a very nice e-mail and she has to send back a mean e-mail just to hurt you again and push you back down. All she is trying to do is hurt you again and again.. it will never get better over time. All you were trying to do was be nice and write her a short note and she has to bring you down.. I'm sorry she has to be like that towards you.. you do not deserve to be treated that way.
I hope you are doing okay... and hope you stick around.
It's weird...I sent back an e-mail that I felt hurt and have now received a very caring one......I've got to stop-it just brings up "hope". But there's never been any understanding or real insight from her about why I broke up...it was all about her being so hurt, so wounded. And yet, I have hope when I get a caring message.
I'm embarrassed to say I'm the one who's e-mailed first...it's hard for me to let go.
Beth
It's okay in what you feel. Try not to feel ashamed or embarrased or anything. In the past couple weeks, I have been in the exact same spot that you have been. I e-mailed my abuser as well and he wasn't very nice when he replied. I tried to stay positive and be the caring/thoughtful one.. and you know what, he still tried to turn everything around like I was the bad guy. It's still hard for me to let go, and it has been a while since I left with him. We are all still healing, and it takes time. (unfortunatley).. but just go with the flow, if you are sad, then cry if you are happy, then dance and sing around.. just take it day by day, hour by hour... it will get easier as time passes on.
Good Luck.
L A U R E
I'm going to make a list of WHY I broke up....the problems, how I lost my self, how she used control and manipulation......I'm getting very loving and appropriate e-mails lately. But our problems were due to more than fatigue and stress-and she denies affair...but my gut felt like she cheated...or kept some kind of big secret.
I need to stay grounded....I also feel vulnerable because my son is going back to college monday and I'm having feelings about that.
Thankyou for your post back to me. I don't want to lose ground or my sense of things. I don't think I will-thinking of going back is like putting my hand on a hot stove-almost like I can't do it-even if I wanted to...
hugs,
Beth p.s. how long since you communicated with him?
Ooops, I went to bash on her and knock her down and she -- oh, no! -- stood up to me!
Guess who? I agree w/ the suggestion made earlier, to take the day Seth leaves to do something for yourself. Beth, I've lost sight, but since we've been on here, I've never lost sight completely. It comes back. We either talk to or see them, we get drawn back in, but once they're gone, we see it for what it is. I.E. a liars a liar, a cheat's a cheat, an abuser's an abuser. I have no proof either, but I feel he cheated. We're regaining that strength, and the ability to trust our gut! The less contact, the easier. Sorry though, I know how confusing their range of emotions can be. One minute you're hurt, than they play victim and we want to console them. Than they're loving, and we want to suck it up while it's there, cause it's rare, and we long for it!
You don't need to be controlled or manipulated, you don't deserve it!
Thankyou for your support! I keep thinking someone's going to yell at me...but I know this is a process. I am drawn close but simply don't trust-it feels good to have her nice etc....but all I have to do is remember how she stepped on me when i was down-and I know not to get too close.....she denies betrayal, she says her problem was stress and fatigue-that made her so negative, etc....I journaled and that helped me alot. I'm still moving forward.
I think you're right, She thought she pushed me so far dwn I'd never leave....but she was very wrong. I think she regrets what she did. Not because it was "wrong" but because I still got away, and now don't trust her, even though a tiny part of me wants to.
It's confusing at times, cause she's so like my family. I'm used to love and then abuse...kindness and then being demeaned...I guess it's not really love in the first place, but something else...
I do love you guys....I get uptight at night and feel lonely. And I have this board to post..
It's late now and I wonder if she's with someone. But how can you be close if you lie and hurt people? I mean authentically close. Why do I miss her? I guess cause it's not all bad, or I'd never have stayed so long....
I'm making my son a casserole he loves before he leaves Monday..it's an odd time to cook, but that's what I'm doing.
Sweet dreams!
Beth
p.s. what's p&pt??
The day he leaves I'm going to take a long walk w/my dogs and meet someone for dinner....I'm taking that day off work. If possible I'll go to an Al-Anon meeting to get some "live" support.
Hi there Ms. Hope and the 47?
Thanks for the support and reinforcement to do something the day Seth leaves. I'm already making plans....
Also thankyou for helping me remember what a process this is...how we have an incredible range of feelings...rage, love, grief, despair..happiness.. It will take time. And I do think the thinking gets clearer the less contact. The e-mails at first make me doubt myself and my perceptions. As soon as I journaled I felt better and trusted me more.
I get thrown off balance easily, but I still get back on track. With your guys help!!!
I don't need to be controlled or manipulated, I need to surround myself with safe people.
Hope you're well! I'm so glad to see you posting!
Beth
"how long since you communicated with him?" ** Umm... last time I spoke to him, was in October. I have heard he is still in town, but I haven't seen him or any of his family. It is weird, I actually seen his best friend yesterday and just waved at him... but I got extremly nervous and wanted to start to cry. I don't know why.
I hope you are doing better... keep us posted.
L A U R E
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