Opinion Needed

Avatar for kittylover2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Opinion Needed
4
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 2:35pm

I am a boarder living with my dearest friend in the world and her family. Her relationship with her bf is sometimes very volatile, and he recently hit her in the eye badly enough for it to cause severe bruising. Her eye was so swollen it would not open for about a day and a half. She has told me in the past not to intervene and she has not wanted to talk about it much at all. She has been in a series of abusive relationships over the years. It is very hard for me to see someone that I love so much be hurt like that, but I am very torn about what to do. Sometimes I just want to move out just so that I won't have to see what happens, but other times I feel like I would just be abandoning her and things might even be worse without me there. I love this woman more than anything in the world, truth be told, and I need some advice. Should I stay and try to be a shoulder for her to lean on, or should I leave and hope for the best?

Kitty

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-1997
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 2:51pm

Leave and hope for the best.

You mentioned your friend has been in a series of abusive relationships, so there's a history there. Only she can decide when she's had enough and for whatever reason, to her, getting a black eye from him isn't worth leaving him over.

She's already told you she doesn't want you to intervene. All you can do is respect her wishes.

If I were you, I'd move out and get my own place.

Take care,
Heymum




Edited 6/16/2005 2:52 pm ET ET by heymum
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 3:01pm

Hi Kitty, welcome -


This is always such a hard situation to be in or to try and assist.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 3:12pm
I'm going to prevent from sounding like a broken record so listen to what the others have told you.
5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2003
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 7:52pm

Hi Kitty,

Sounds like your friend has a history of going from one abusive relationship to another - maybe it's all she knows and may be she doesn't WANT to change it.

Obviously you living there doesn't make a lick of difference whether he hits her or not so I would move out if I were you.

If she wants to help herself, she'll know where to find you.

You can't help someone who won't help herself - no sense putting yourself in the middle of it all.

I sure hope she doesn't have kids.