OT: Needing family advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2011
OT: Needing family advice
2
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 1:59pm

I know this really isn't the forum for this issue, but I feel so close to ya'll that I would really value your opinions. My husband's grandfather passed away over the holidays. He was very much like a father to him. On the last visit to see him before Thanksgiving, he had asked my husband to take care of his grandmother. Due to unfortunate circumstances, we did not make it to the hospital in time to say goodbye to him. We were in town, but we arrived past midnight and believed another family member was up at the hospital with his grandparents. We later found out that when it became apparent that he was dying, the other family member (an uncle) left, leaving his grandmother alone at the time of his death. She was very hurt by this and my husband is feeling immense guilt over it. He has really just become incredibly depressed. He's barely eating, can't focus or do much of anything and is really just overwhelmed by the emotions surrounding this.

I just don't know what to do. He and I both know that I just really don't understand. I deal with death in a very different way and once it is over I believe in just moving forward, basically just deleting that person from my thoughts - if that makes any sense at all. I've tried to just be there for him, and that is really not enough becuase he is getting worse.

What should I and can I do?

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 7:44pm

Chipper, first of all, my deepest condolences to your hubby on the passing of his grandmother.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2011
Thu, 01-12-2012 - 11:50am
You are very right that he would have been there immediately, if he had known. I hadn't thought of grief counseling for some reason, but that sounds like a very good idea. he isn't on anything right now. Since this happened, he has refused to take any of his medications - no pain meds or anything, which I don't know how he's making it right now. He told me last night that he was going to call his doctor to see about getting something, for anxiety if nothing else. I'm trying to be supportive, but I feel like I'm just not doing enough. I hate that feeling.

thank you so much for your advice, I will definitely be following through on it. And thank you for all your kind words. It means alot.