Pain...always in pain

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2012
Pain...always in pain
5
Tue, 01-24-2012 - 11:57am

Hi.

I've been here before, long ago and am back..it's been so long I don't remember my username, so I had to create a new one.

For 8 years I've been in a violent relationship..the physical was less and less, but the emotional, verbal, etc has exploded over the years. I don't know where to start, so I'm going to lay a little background. I don't know where else to go. I called DV hotline and was told after 15 min that there were other calls to answer and she had to go. I'm not in immediate danger. I don't think I'm in any or will be..I feel foolish actually, because it has been quiet for over a week and I think he is done w/ me for real and I'm like mourning him. So so so stupid. I also want to say that I did start tt a therapist, but she is way out of the way and then he came back in my life and she fell off my radar. I don't have the co pay money right now, so I will try these boards as an outlet.

We have a 2 year old. He was in jail when she was born, came out when she was 4 mos, lived w/ me and I kicked him out a few months later. Around this time last year he got involved w/ some new life...presumably drugs..he has no job, but he had lots of money, brand new Harley, new tattoo every day...he would answer to nothing, but was still coming around here and there..and I let him. I started getting angry because he gave me no money..he had TONS..he would take us to $150 dinners, bought our baby real diamonds..but would never give me

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Tue, 01-24-2012 - 10:45pm

Hi Live, and welcome to the board.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2012
Wed, 01-25-2012 - 9:29am

Thank you.

I just wanted to quickly check in to let you know I appreciate your words..it is helpful to hear.

At this moment I'm dealing w/ a medical issue from my foot surgery last week, so too much exhaustion and pain to go on too long. But I will say, as I lay awake last night..WHO did I think of? And the fact of the matter is, if he were w/ me (like he was for a previous foot surgery) he would be berating me, etc...

I will check back later..thanks again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Thu, 01-26-2012 - 10:32am

Welcome back.

Photobucket

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Thu, 01-26-2012 - 1:34pm
Sending healing vibes your way. When we are in pain, it makes it harder to deal with just about everything. Don't forget to practice H.A.L.T. This is an acronym for: Don't let yourself get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. Also, don't let your pain get too bad before you take medicine for it. Pain can hinder healing. Once you're on the mend from your surgery things will probably be a little easier for you to deal with. Hang in there. Hugs.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2012
Thu, 01-26-2012 - 4:07pm

Im so glad I found the boards again.

I'm in the hospital, have blood clots! What a process...but i found i can access these boards, but w/ a terrible keyboard, so i've given up on capitalization.:) so here's the latest 'what is my problem'...i'm at the hospital and I get an auto email from a service that lets me know my ex is out of jail..i thought it was sunday, so caught me off guard. and why am i wondering why he still hasn't clled? no matter what he always, always did..I guess its really over this time..and my gut wants it..but I'm acting like this..mourning the silence. i need to remember h.a.l.t....problem is i'm angry alot, but always always lonely. i made this barrier around myself and i have people but i dont know how to reach. i know if i called my mom, she'd be here in a second, but she has my 2 year old (another thing, not even calling for HER)...and I don't want her exhausted anymore. she st here w/ me for hours yesterday. so im soo soo lonely. and wondering about a really awful man that is embedded in my head, that i know in my heart that i want to get thru this..but i'm still sad. and i know he is with...oh, forget it all. It really is so very stupid of me to care about someone that has destroyed me. my life.i have to rebuild and he gets to dust off the ashes and just go on with the next.

oh, nurse is coming...i might vent more..i/m stuck in a hospital bed.

so many thanks for listening.