Paranoid Anger

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2004
Paranoid Anger
2
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 11:08pm
Hello,

Uh, I'm sort of doing this for my mom. You see, I'm living at home, still pretty young. My dad is, a really... angry person. It's rather complicated, I'll try to explain it though because, it's all really starting to worry me and it seems like it's getting worst everyday.

Well, like I said my dad has always been a very angry person. When I was pretty young, 11, I went to get therapy because of severe depression and in a family therapy session he was confronted with his anger problem. He yelled at that time at us, he broke down doors, any inanimate object that happened to be in his line of vision when he was throwing a fit. After that, he got better, a lot better. Then, my mom had a problem, a drug problem, she went into rehab and got better as well. However, that problem revisited our family now and then, she always got over it though, got better. My dad's trust in my mother has been, damaged, to say the least.

Also, my mother and father have prescriptions, painkillers, for my dad's back injury and for my mother's severe headaches (she's lost sight in one eye, confirmed by doctors, it's a rare disease). Because of her past addictions, the medications are kept under lock and key to prevent her from loosing control, or, what have you.

My father has become, increasingly paranoid about the medications. A while back, a cat knocked the box down to the ground, damaging one of the sides (bending it slightly). Several days after that, my father accused my mom of trying to break into the box, seeing no relation to when the box collided with the ground.

Whenever my mom asks for a pill, he throws a fit, yelling at her, calling her a junkie, accusing of it being 'all in her head'. He, also throws a fit pretty much over, anything... just tonight my mom asked my dad if he was done in the bathroom and why didn't he turn the light off? And he yelled at her, babbling over why did she say it like that? Calling her a bitch, as he so often does.

I don't know what to do. It kills me to see my mother like this, she's more depressed every day, her headaches grow increasingly worst. The only peace and quiet she can get is when she's asleep. So she goes to sleep earlier and earlier every day to escape my father.

If I suggest counseling, anger management, to my father I know he'll just brush it off. Think it's stupid or I'm, over reacting. I want to stop this. I know my mother's not perfect but she doesn't deserve this. I don't know how much longer I can take this, I get angrier with each thing he says... I know one day I'm gonna shut his mouth with my fist if I don't take another route. I'm trying to take it now, someone please help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: lunar_ryou
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 2:07am
hon, how old are you?

are you male or female?

have you tried talking to your mom about what you see? what does she say?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2003
In reply to: lunar_ryou
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 12:27pm
Depending on your age, you could contact Child Protection Services, or even the police when he has an ouburst. The police may arrest him. CPS may remove him from the home, or force your mom to remove him from the home. The cycle of violence is so complex, and difficult to understand when you are in it, let alone just standing at the sidelines watching. The best thing that you can do to help your mom is to make yourself safe, and to me, it sounds like the way to do that is to have this man removed from your home so you can have some peace. Talk to someone you trust even, perhaps there is a teacher, or the parent of a close friend.

I wish I knew what else I could say, just that I hope you know that this isn't your fault, that it isn't your job to protect your mom...it is HER job to protect YOU...but sometimes, when Mom's are in the cycle, it isn't clear what the best thing to do for our kids is. Now that I'm out of the cycle, I know the best thing is to get the abuser out of the house. That is the step you have to take. Please call someone you trust that is not in the family and can be objective.

Love and Hugs

Sarah