Parents abuse

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Parents abuse
1
Sun, 08-12-2012 - 3:15pm

I am 25 and i have a daugther who is my world. I live with my parents and i thought everything was okay . intill my ex brought life to what is really going on. the emotional and mental abuse and sometimes it can get to physical if i don't follow what they want. they havnt done it to my daugther but they like physcial punishment and i don't when they do punish her is get bad and no matter what i say they will not stop. they controlled every spot in my life friend family realitonships. My ex left me bc of this they did this to him too and i didn't see it now. I need help and advise? i have an appoitment to see a psy doctor tomorrow.

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Mon, 08-13-2012 - 10:53am

Hi Jess and welcome to the board.  As an adult who lives with a parent myself, I understand completely the dynamics that can occur.  While domestic abuse is generally considered between partners, what you are experiencing is as well.  I'm guessing that you're living with them for financial reasons and that moving out into your own place is not an option for you at this time.  If your parents are abusing your dd in any way, feel free to call the police.  I doubt seriously if they are going to change, but it may be the wake-up call they need to look at the choices they are making.  What they are doing to YOU is assaulting you.  It's not unusual for this type of abuse not to register with people who have grown up in it.  To them, it is the "normal" way of life, so unless someone points it out to you, as your ex did, it doesn't register because it is what you've known all your life.  You local domestic abuse agency can assist you with counseling, group support and possibly with getting affordable housing so that you and your dd can move out of the unhealthy environment and into one where YOU set the rules, and those rules are respected.  There is no doubt your parents are abusive because CONTROL is what domestic abuse is all about, and from what you've stated, it's their MO to control all aspects of your life.  It's going to take some work reclaiming y our power and learning how to say no to further abuse, but I have no doubt you can do it.  If you couldn't, you wouldn't have taken this first step in reclaiming your power by posting here.  I  wish you the best and please know that you are welcome here anytime to vent, celebrate, question, learn and grow.  No one here is going to judge you or tell you what you SHOULD do or NEED to do.  Those words are dis-EMPOWERING and we try very hard not to use them, because the choices for YOUR life are YOUR choices and no one here can tell you what is best for you because while so many of our stories are very similar, every single one is unique and different.  You might want to ask the therapist you are going to see if there is any reading you can do that will further advance your knowledge base about what is happening in your life.  IMO, knowledge is power and the more knowledge you have, the more powerful you are in regaining control of your own life and that of your dd.  My best to you.  Please check in so that we know you are okay, even if it's just to say, "I'm here".  Stay safe.  If the abuse turns physical, call 911 immediately.  They have no right to hit you or your dd.  They have no right to abuse in any way, but take one step at a time so you don't get overwhelmed.

Mama Harmony