Please Help

Avatar for itsgoodtobeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Please Help
3
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 2:02am

This board saved me and now I'm here for someone who needs what to me seems tougher questions than I had to deal with. #1 she is married and I was not. #2 She doesn't want to go and I did? #3 she doesn't have a choice she has to go. I'll make this quick as possible but I tend to be long winded. She lives in another state and will be moving back here next month. She has not worked since she has been married to this guy and has no money. She has a car but I'm not sure who's name it is in and he pays all the bills. She is pregant and he wants her to get rid of it but she will not. They got married in this state and he filled for divorce here but he does not live here. What does she need to do before she comes back here. He has already threaten to get custody of the baby. I know that she needs to get that car in her name if it is not already and that she needs to get her name off any bills that are there and that she will title papers and payments for the car she has. What else does she need to do before she comes home? I have always hated this guy of hers and told her it would not work and told her not to loose all her pride. But she is there as I was there as you all are there. I was not married to my ex and I supported the family so I didn't go to court just got him out however I could and never let him back. I'm at a loss on what to tell her. But, I know there are things she needs to do. Good news is when she gets back home she has an apartment to go to and many friends and family to support her. She has a job if she needs one as well. So I guess my timed question is what does she need to do before she leaves there?

I also want to tell her if at all possible if he will sign away the rights to the baby to have him do it. Can that be done before she has it? Am I crazy to tell her this??

Please help me somethings I'm not to sure about.

HUGS and Prayers to you all>Jo

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
In reply to: itsgoodtobeme
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 4:51am
If he is violent, she needs to GET OUT without worrying about any of the details. All of this can be taken care of after she's safe. Even with just the clothes on her back, barefoot and without a penny, she needs to get out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
In reply to: itsgoodtobeme
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 11:33am

Well, if there is violence she does need to go to her local womens' shelter and get out as soon as she can. If she has a little time, though, she can use it wisely by forming a safety plan for getting out. Offer her some of the ideas in this post:

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rldomesting&msg=25758.1&ctx=0

Also, check out our board website, accessible through the "Learn more about this community" link at the top of the page.

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Avatar for itsgoodtobeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: itsgoodtobeme
Sat, 04-29-2006 - 5:44am
She is home. She drove 900 miles home today. I'm not sure where she will be in a week but for now she is home. Me and her sister cleaned the apartment and had balloons and presents. She said this was the crappest week ever and loved the gifts. We all talked when she got home and laughed and I breathe a bit easier tonight knowing she is home surrounded by people who truly love her and care about her well being. She still doesn't see him for who he is. Brainwashed is she and I know it will be her and in her time to see things for what they are but for now she is home. He told her today if she didn't leave he was going to have the police remove her so she packed her car and came home. While she was driving he called and told her he just needed some space and he might take her back later. Boy I don't miss those days but I remember how hard they were. My ex for all his flaws gave me a car seat for her tonight that he no longer needs. I thank god every day for all his flaws and the way he treated was awful he is a dad and loves those kids. That is the only thing he ever got right and I thank god for that every day. HUGS and Prayers to each and everyone of you all here for the road is not easy I know, but life with out the abuse is grand. Hard but peaceful.>Jo