Please Help!!!
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Please Help!!!
| Fri, 02-03-2006 - 3:53pm |
I posted this message on another board, but then I found this one, I really need help so any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
It's about my little sister. She's only 18 and has just had a baby. It was hell going through the pregnancy with her, trying to get her to stay in school, learn some responsibility. She quit school a few months ago, and hasn't done much since except hang out with her boyfriend, the father of the baby.
She's immature for her age, and has never been a very independent girl. But she's the kindest sweetest person I know. She was once always happy, never complained, just a joy to be around. But since this guy came into her life she's been different.
She had the baby just the other day, and the father, who hadn't came to one doctors appointment or offered any help throughout the whole ordeal, except to make my sister drive him around while he drank with his buddies, has now came back around and plans to be a "family". That would be fine except for the fact that he is abusive to my little sister.
He has slapped her and kicked her while she was pregnant. He verbally and emotionally abuses her. Now he refuses to let any of her family help her with the baby. Though they are staying at my aunt's house for now, he has recently purchased a house that they will be moving to in just a few weeks.
While they are staying at my aunt's house he refuses to let anyone hold or care for the baby, even though my sister is exhausted. If someone does help her, it has to be after he goes to sleep and then they can't let him know that they helped her out. He offers no help to her either.
My mom has spoken up, but my sister defends him even though she admits that she isn't happy. I think she believes that all will be okay once they get their own place. But I think that his abuse will only get worse. He has already tried to cut off all her ties to her family, keeping her locked in the bedroom with the baby all day so no one else can see them. He is controlling and mean. I don't know what to do.
How do I get through to my sister and show her that her life doesn't have to be like that? Everyone says that she has to make that decision for herself, but I'm afraid that once they get on their own it will be too late. She doesn't own a car or a phone, how will she ever leave him once they move in together?
If she doesn't do what he says he threatens to take the baby and leave. What do I do? How can I help her if she doesn't want to be helped?
It's about my little sister. She's only 18 and has just had a baby. It was hell going through the pregnancy with her, trying to get her to stay in school, learn some responsibility. She quit school a few months ago, and hasn't done much since except hang out with her boyfriend, the father of the baby.
She's immature for her age, and has never been a very independent girl. But she's the kindest sweetest person I know. She was once always happy, never complained, just a joy to be around. But since this guy came into her life she's been different.
She had the baby just the other day, and the father, who hadn't came to one doctors appointment or offered any help throughout the whole ordeal, except to make my sister drive him around while he drank with his buddies, has now came back around and plans to be a "family". That would be fine except for the fact that he is abusive to my little sister.
He has slapped her and kicked her while she was pregnant. He verbally and emotionally abuses her. Now he refuses to let any of her family help her with the baby. Though they are staying at my aunt's house for now, he has recently purchased a house that they will be moving to in just a few weeks.
While they are staying at my aunt's house he refuses to let anyone hold or care for the baby, even though my sister is exhausted. If someone does help her, it has to be after he goes to sleep and then they can't let him know that they helped her out. He offers no help to her either.
My mom has spoken up, but my sister defends him even though she admits that she isn't happy. I think she believes that all will be okay once they get their own place. But I think that his abuse will only get worse. He has already tried to cut off all her ties to her family, keeping her locked in the bedroom with the baby all day so no one else can see them. He is controlling and mean. I don't know what to do.
How do I get through to my sister and show her that her life doesn't have to be like that? Everyone says that she has to make that decision for herself, but I'm afraid that once they get on their own it will be too late. She doesn't own a car or a phone, how will she ever leave him once they move in together?
If she doesn't do what he says he threatens to take the baby and leave. What do I do? How can I help her if she doesn't want to be helped?

Oh, anrobbins, my heart and prayers go out for your baby sister.
Mama Harmony
I know all about that, having had the rare treat of watching my husband's sister spend six years denying up and down that what was going on with her was abuse. :(
Basically, everyone is right, she has to make the decision for herself. The best thing you can do is not let the abuser run you out of her life, because she will get it eventually and she will need you then. Let her know that you are not going to tell her what to do (she will love you for this, because right now it seems to her like everyone is trying) but that she doesn't have to put up with being mistreated, and you will be there for whatever action she decides to take. Check out our board links that Cajunharmony posted for more suggestions.
Believe me, I know how frustrating this is. You want to stuff the person in your purse and drag them out of there, either that or shake them and scream "Do you not GET what is going on here?" They get it, they just aren't ready to admit to it. That's why they need you so much to be there when they finally do.