Please help!!!!
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Please help!!!!
| Mon, 12-05-2005 - 12:12pm |
Ok, two years ago I had cheated on him and he found out about it shortly after his mother had passed away. Since then, our fights have been helacious. And in the last two years, they've occasionally been physical, with him hitting, pushing me or pinning me down. He is abusive verbally everytime he's really angry and I've tried to tell him to stop talking to me like that. I've let him know that what he is doing is verbal abuse and physical abuse. Now here's the thing. He only does this if I get up in his face and yell back. Also, if he pushes me or does anything physical to me, i will fight back which only makes it worse. Then we both apologize the next day and then it happens again in 2-3 months. I can't help but to yell at him sometimes because he never wants to listen to anything I have to say, because he thinks he's always right. He accuses me of attacking him and getting in his face and tells me that he wouldn't hit me if I didn't get up in his face...which is true, if I don't get aggressive, then we just yell and it never turns physical. But I tell him that I am a woman and that I am much smaller than he is, and that it shouldn't matter that I get up in his face. I should be able to yell at the top of my lungs and if it makes him boil over then he should leave the house for a while, but that he should control his emotions enough to not be physical. he has no right to hit me. I feel like he does this, too, because he's still holding on to what I did two years ago. He constantly still, brings up my past mistakes. I just don't know what to do, or if I'm the cause of this, or if I can prevent it. I mean, I will admit that I have a temper too. But I am never verbally or physically abusive with him. I never call him names or make him feel bad about himself. He makes me feel like I am dirt underneath his shoe when we fight. Please help if possible. I don't know where else to go.. i have told my friend that he's hit me before and I've told his brother. We can't afford a counselor, which is what I think we really need.

"I can't help but to yell at him sometimes because he never wants to listen to anything I have to say, because he thinks he's always right."
I strongly recommend that you don't get up in his face and yell since he's already proven that he can be physically abusive. You know already that he's not going to listen to you or take any responsibility for his own behavior, so yelling back at him isn't going to help, and it's only going to make things worse.
You're absolutely right that he has no right to hit you, but you really want to avoid putting yourself in danger. Yelling at an abusive man is like pulling a tiger's tail.
His problem is that he's abusive, and being with an abusive man is frustrating, stressful, and dangerous. Chances are things are just going to get worse.
Please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-SAFE (7233)800-787-3224 (TDD). They can put you in touch with services in your area such as a support group of women who have been through the same things as you.
There's a lot of info here about abuse. Please read as much as you can and keep on posting. Be safe!
Welcome, Kygirl.