Please help-i'm feeling sorry for him
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Please help-i'm feeling sorry for him
| Mon, 12-27-2004 - 9:44am |
I'm back in my cycle. I'm starting to miss him and feel sorry for him. He has left the house and hasn't been back. He said yesterday that he is tried of sleeping on friend’s couches but he doesn't want to sleep next to someone that doesn't love him anymore. I called him to ask if he was coming in the house last night and I guess I gave him the wrong idea. I wasn't nice at all when I said it, I've been very cold towards him but he took my calling as me missing him. He called me a few hours later and asked me why I asked him that. He said is it because you miss me and I said I already told you why. Because I don't want to be scared to death when you walk thru the door. I just like to know if you are coming or not so I can be prepared. It hurt me to hear him acknowledge the fact that I am not in love with him anymore. It really hurt me to the core. What does that mean? Am I fooling myself thinking I'm not in love? Not that it should matter one way or the other I mean, he is mistreating me regardless. I really miss him holding me at night but the minute I talk to him I get cold all over again but when I get alone I'm so sad. I'm okay ladies. I just had a small moment of insanity. I hate even hearing his voice. He is so cruel. He made me cry yesterday and he said, "I don't care if you cry, that's only going to make me hurt you more" He is the absolute worse. And every time I talk to him he reinforces it and gives me the strength I need to never take him back. I guess we are time-sharing the house. He's has the house during the day and I have the house at night. He is still controlling me of course calling to ask me where I am and that's it. I'm scared to even walk in my house. I swing the door all the way open (just in case he is standing behind it) and then I stand in the doorway looking around before actually stepping in the house. Then I cut on the lights and walk around with the door open just in case I need to run back out. After I secure the parameter I lock up tightly and proceed to settle in. What kind of life is this? And why do so many of us have to even experience it. I'm still at a point where I’m trying to hide it and keep face. It's exhausting.
Signatures On
| Mon, 12-27-2004 - 9:54am |
Just to comment on the title of your post. I feel sorry for my ex in a way too. I have his baby pictures that I'm saving to show my kids(their dad). He was so cute-there is one when he's about a month old and he's all snuggled into somebody's arms and another one as about a 2-3 years old on Christmas-a beautiful little boy with a smile that lit up his face. That's how he started out-a cute innocent child with the potential to be a loving husband and father and it's wrong that his family did whatever they did to him to make him an abuser. He was abused by his family. Any child being abused is sad. I feel sorry for him. But I have to think of myself too. The damage is done. He will never be that innocent child ever again, the reality is he is an abuser so I am not with him.
