Please Help, I'm Scared

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2012
Please Help, I'm Scared
19
Sat, 03-10-2012 - 1:46am

I also posted on the MAS board, but hope I could get additional advice here.

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Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Sat, 03-10-2012 - 9:59am

Sweetie, you are very smart to be scared of this guy.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2012
Sat, 03-10-2012 - 12:28pm

I agree..please try to listen to your instinct. I know being lonely sucks...but you can be sad alone, instead of sad w/ him. It's almost like you wrote about my ex...don't question, just accept, his way/no way...passion..anger.

I wish I had listened to my instict. I did not. 8 years later and I'm a mess AND have his daughter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2012
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 11:59pm

Well here I am stopping in, more depressed than ever.

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 7:52am
Quick response before I have to take my dd to school. From the sounds of it, you live in a fairly large city. This also means that you have access to public transportation. I totally understand your concerns about your car. Have you considered doing a "park & ride" thing where you park your car elsewhere and then ride public transpo to your building? As for the license plate to locate you, oh heck yes. He would have to have access to someone who could run it for him, but that's no biggie. BBL to post more.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2012
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 9:18am

Hi..I'm going to pass on what cajun said to me...get the book by Lundy Bancroft, Why Doe He Do That? It offers such insight and I will tell everyone woman I know about it. One point, brought up very early on, is a red flag for abusers is how they talk about an ex. How I WISH I'd known that..when I met my abuser, his ex was this psycho, cop happy wh8re that always called the cops to keep him from his kids, she was so jealous..I could go on and on..this is how he talks of ME now, I'm sure of it. Another common theme with abusers, is how AMAZING they are in the beginning...Get the book

I think you should get a PFA. I think you have enough to go on...we do not need to wait for them to physically harm us to get one..he has exhibited scary behavior, says he has weapons....and having one helps, should you need to call the police- after you tell him to leave you alone and if he doesn't. You have a unique situation, considering he works where you do..who knows if he knows what suite you work in..but he could find out. I would go to your HR dept, explain the situation, your fear, etc..that way they can help you work a plan and alert security. I did that.

Seems a lot of the focus is on trying to figure out WHY he is like this. He is like this because he is an abuser and he can do it. I have spent YEARS trying to figure out WHY and trying to fix him. I spent more time reminiscing on how great he can be (1% of the time) and HOW can he be so amazing and WHAT can I do to get that part of him? Take it from me, don't waste your reserves on trying to figure him out. You won't. I have to remind myself, every minute, to stop doing that...when you find yourself doing that, say 'who cares'..fact is, he can, he does, he will continue to do so. Use your reserves to make sure he no longer does it to YOU. THAT is the only part of all this that you have control over. Be thankful you caught on so quickly and keep posting, looking for more assistance and get him out of your head. *hugs*

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 12:07pm
Wow, live, great post. You're beginning to get it. Hugs and high fives! WTG!

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2012
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 7:47pm

Hey guys, I'm back from work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 9:36pm

Hi;

so you wrote on the affairs board?? So you have a fiance and you were having unprotected sex with this lunatic?

If so what are you going to do about your fiance.?
wishing you the best at the doctors..

do you have anyone you can take with you for moral support??

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2012
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 9:42pm

I will have to talk with my fiance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2012
Thu, 03-15-2012 - 8:09pm

Well, today I finally put my foot down.

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