please help me find good in this

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
please help me find good in this
6
Tue, 12-28-2004 - 8:56am
I am pregnant, oh please the Most Gracious, Most Merciful this must be the last.
21.23 "He is not to be questioned about what He does but they shall be questioned"
I went to that appointment and got on birth control but it must not have worked, now i find out it takes a while to start working, but it is too late. Once again I am pregnant. Am I the most horrible person to feel so sick about this? I feel as if I could lie down and never get back up. I love our children, they are my happiness in life, but I do not know how to go through another pregnancy. Having a baby almost on every year. I have not told him of this yet. He will be so happy, he has been saying it's time for me to become pregnant. I don't want to feel this selfish, why can I not rejoice in this as I should. This baby will be gift from God, but I feel like this is punishment. Please please help me see good in this. I am so unappreciative I feel very undeserving. Once my babies are born I am so happy but during pregnancy I feel so depressed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Tue, 12-28-2004 - 1:10pm

Oh, honey. I'm going to leave it to the wiser ones on the board to find something useful to say, but I feel for you. What you feel is totally natural and you know it's nothing against the baby. It's your situation. I cried when I found out I was having my second. (He's 4 now and a perfect little pumpkin, but I still didn't want to be pregnant then.)

My thoughts and prayers are with you. May God guide and protect you.

Avatar for ples62
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 9:13am

Hugs honey - I, too, understand the feeling of depression during pregnancy. I have 3 children, and during the last pregnancy, I was depressed and I was also depressed for about 9 months afterwards. I love my son (he is 12 years old now) and have often felt pangs of guilt because I was so depressed while pregnant with him. I'm not sure I've ever admitted this, but before I became pregnant with him, I think I was feeling unhappiness in my marriage and I didn't recognize it then. My H wanted a son. We had two daughters. I told him 2 things - 3 strikes and he was out - I would have no more than 3 kids and if this third wasn't a son - too bad AND if I wasn't pregnant by the time I was 35 I wouldn't get pregnant after that. Well - God must have been listening because I had my son 2 weeks before I turned 35.

But I was certainly feeling something unhappy about the whole pregnancy. It wasn't being done for the right reasons. I didn't want any more kids. I was doing it to appease my husband - to keep the peace. And now, 12 years later, I understand.

I understand you depression upon finding yourself blessed with a child and yet apprehensive at the same time. It is because of the circumstances you are living with. I don't post much, but I do lurk often and have followed your posts. My heart goes out to you. I hope that I have helped in letting you know that others have been in the same situation that you now find yourself.

hugs,
ples

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 9:19am

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Thu, 12-30-2004 - 9:38am
Thank you all for replying. My Husband pushed me last night and banged my head on the door to the pantry. He then grabbed me by my face to punch me and I yelled I am pregnant. He stopped hurting me and held me and told me how proud he is that we will have another baby. My head was spinning a little and dizzy from hitting the door, I didnt want to tell him so soon but that got me out of being hurt more. I am depressed. Our baby was in the kitchen with me when he did this. It makes me so sad that my little love was lying in her seat watching me with big eyes. There is no hope to leave, little hope for it to get better, and now another long pregnancy. I dont have much energy left for taking care of myself after the children and endless pressures from him. He said that with one more child we will be looking for a larger home. Our house is very large, too much to take care of as of now, I feel like I am invisible and no one can help. I apologize for talking this way, I don't like that I am so weak minded.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Sat, 01-01-2005 - 12:22pm

Oh honey,

Will he hit you while you are pregnant? I ask because my ex-husband (we divorced way back in '91) never laid a hand on me when I was pregnant, but after the child was born he beat the crap out of me, again and again and again.... Sorry to be so blunt.... Oh hon, and your babies are seeing this? They will grow up thinking that is the way it should be )o:

Please, for your safety and the safety of your babies, get out asap.... I know, it is much easier said than done.

Hugs, Michelle

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 01-01-2005 - 10:44pm

Oh Honey, i assume you are Muslim? I see in yoru profile the Koran & Egypt mentioned, & w/ your H's name being Ahmend .. forgive me if that is rude to ask, or if i am wrong - but it is very difficult for me to be able to give you advice, being Christian, when i dont know the details, but i know it is very different for you, as a wife of a Muslim (?) to think about getting out. We have all heard the horror stories of Muslim women being beaten & murdered for that very reason. PLEASE BE SAFE, #1. Do you knwo how to delete your history on teh computer? Do you know how to cover your tracks so he never sees this? I am so sorry, you seem to be on your 6th preganancy ... & you are beaten. WHY the unfairness in life????

Is there ANYone you can go to? Can you contact a domestic violence shelter? Is the anyone in YOUR family who can & will help you?

May God bless you & keep you safe ... R~