please, need help
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| Wed, 02-08-2006 - 9:32am |
My husband and I have not been getting along. My grandpa is in the hospital with terminal cancer and that is first and foremost on my mind. My husband works with my brother and they haven't been getting along and my husband thinks he should be able to come home and complain about my brother. I really don't want to hear him say bad things and do name calling. I really can't handle it now when I have other things on my mind.
I decided to have a talk with him tomorrow about what I need to happen for our marriage to work. I was tired tonight and just wanted to get our dd (2ys) to bed. Plua I wanted to plan what I wanted to say. He insisted on starting up the conversation. I know it takes two,, I should have just gone in the other room. I was afraid of what he would do.
During our talk tonight he said that he will not drink, and he agreed to talk to someone with me. ( I really doubt he will follow through with this.) He has an anger problem and I think I get the most of it, most of the time.
This is my fear right now. He told me tonight, as he has in the past, that he will not lose me or our dd. He will do whatever it takes, live downstairs and his own life, but he will never NEVER let me take her. He will NEVER let us go. I said that I am here right now because I want to be, but if I don't want to be sometime in the future he can't make us stay together. He just stared/glared at me. I told him I felt like he was threatening me and he said he wasn't, but we wouldn't be leaving.
He is in Law Enf., and hunts and has guns. I can't believe I feel this way, but I am scared of what he will do and at this point, if things don't change, I don't want to stay together. I just don't know what to do. I do love him and I wish things could work out. I would like to try, but when he says things like that I just think I should get out as fast as I can.
Please if anyone has any advice, let me know. Thanks,
Edited 2/12/2006 10:48 am ET by kappel11


Believe what he says and trust your instincts. He sounds dangerous, and these guys often carry out their threats.
I'd start planning your getaway now, and whatever you do, don't let him know anything that you're up to. Get in touch with a shelter in your area for help.
Welcome, Kappel.
I posted a longer message on the toxic relationship board earlier today. I did talk to my husband tonight for about three hours. Although he did a lot of the talking. I just feel confused right now. He left to go stay somewhere else, so I guess that is good for now. By the time he left I was just wiped out, drained. He took back things that he said again and said that they came out different than how he meant.
I'm just glad I can go to bed now and sleep well. I told him tonight that his anger is hurting me and it needs to change. He said I am hurting him by not being there for him, listening to his feelings caring about him.
Anyway, time for bed. THanks for the responses. I will let you know how it goes from here.
Edited 2/12/2006 10:49 am ET by kappel11