Please Read The Book Ladies

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Please Read The Book Ladies
7
Mon, 01-03-2005 - 3:15pm

The book: Why Does He Do That?

I'm still here and still in my abusive relationship. Still trying to get the strength to leave. I actually left but came back. No need to lie to you guys I know you just want to help. Instead of maintaining the "NO CONTACT" rule I broke it and spoke to him. I also didn't really have a place to go and I had taken all the dogs with me. We were out and free and I came back. I can't believe I did that to myself and to them. He said he would leave because he didn't want me to be on the street. He didn't leave but he didn't try to hurt me when I got back either. There hasn't been any incidents since but I know enough to know that this is just the "honeymoon" period. I've been reading Why does he do that and not only am I learning about him and the abuse I'm learning about myself. I just learned that he fits all types of abusive men but he is most closly related to RAMBO. And I was attracted to him because I thought he would protect me from my last boyfriend who wasn't quit over me when we broke up and was abusive to me during the majority of our relationship. The physical abuse did stop after a while but it turned into him controlling me and never wanting me to see my friends or family. I didn't realize that it was abuse at the time, I was just happy he stopped hitting me. But I was so attracted to my now Abusive BF because I was worried my ex would come to hurt me and I wanted to be protected. My situation is horrible. Typically 1 good day and 6 bad days. Coming here helps a lot but I dont' have internet at home so I cant' post like I would like. I can only do so at work. Thank you for all of your help so far ladies. I have a very far way to go as I am dealing with abuse issues from over 5 years ago with my last relationship. I am coming along but slowly. I need your prayer and best wishes as I pray for you as well. Right now, it seems that he is okay but I know there will be another episode. The Repo men came at 3:30 am this morning to take his car (that is in my name). It was a big 2 hour stand off but the couldn't take the car because it was on private property. I wish they could have but I'm putting it in my bankruptcy which he finally agreed to. If he hadn't agreed, it would have been trouble for me if I did it. So that will be the only financial tie we have. We have cell phones together but that is a tiny bill that I am willing to bit the bullet on. After my depts are discharged I will have about $300 extra a month to save. He doesn't know it but I will. This is going to help a lot with my escape, room and board and possibly long term boarding for my dogs if need be. I'm taking it step by step and I know it's dangerous for me to even stick around but...I don't even have a good but, I'm just scared to leave. Thanks for reading. This book is REALLY helping me ladies. Don't wait to pick it up and help yourselves.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Mon, 01-03-2005 - 6:25pm

I browsed at that book a couple days ago... it seems like a great book. The only thing that kept me from getting it was that it seemed to be mostly for people living in a current abusive relationship... and I am single for 3 whole days now! lol

I looked in the back of the book (I think under References, but I could be wrong) and found the title "It's MY Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence" by Dugan and Hock. I went and bought that book today (o: I just browsed it, but it seems it will be helpful. I also recently purchased "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans and "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay.

Thank God for Christmas $$$ lol

Hugs

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2005
Mon, 01-03-2005 - 10:10pm
I am going through your situation. I too have 3 dogs who I can not leave. They give me comfort and joy and calm me down-my kids too. I have a 1 year old with my boyfriend who verbally and mentally abuses me. On occassion there is violence. I fight back and that make it worse. The then tells me I am abusing him. I get the blackeyes, bloody noses, split lips. Our sitter had to quit on us a few months back because of an injury. I looked for a new sitter but he kept telling me this ones to expensive so is that one. Eventually I had to quit my job. Now he blames me, but doesn't really want me to go to work, but of course I don't do anything while I am here at home. Everyday its name calling, yelling, and telling me it is my fault. I am so numb that I have no feelings for him either way. I do cry and try to tell him how I feel and he says "boo hoo feel sorry for me" mocking me everytime. He is allowed to speak his mind of course. I really need to know how a shelter works so I know if that is something I should consider. Will they help relocate us and if so to the same city or farther away. I just don't know anyone who knows these things. I know he would follow. I left before and he found me and just walks in my door like the place belongs to him. And of course he stays.I have no family to stay with and I have to be concerned with my other son because I am divorced from his father and according to that agreement I can't move more thatn 200 miles without telling the court. I really want to move out of Ohio and go to the coast. He truely believes that if I leave him I will go to Florida where my mom is, but I dont want to go there. My oldest is a genius IQ and the schools down there would not be go for him. Atleast the ones where my family is. My Aunt teaches there in his now grade. I am hoping someone can walk me through this process. I can only be here to support you with hope and understanding. Thanks for letting my voice be heard.
Julie
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Mon, 01-03-2005 - 10:21pm
You should contact a domestic violence agency. That is the best place to start to sort things out and they would know all the resources out there. I am out of my marriage for almost a year now. I have a question if you don't mind. I was thinking of moving to Florida but I had heard the same thing about their public schools. Where were you thinking of moving that has good or at least acceptable public schools?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 01-04-2005 - 12:10am

Hi Julie, welcome -


Write this number down:

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 01-04-2005 - 12:23am

Even though you're out, it's still a great book because it explains so much and it may help you in the long run by understanding why he did what he did.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Tue, 01-04-2005 - 1:02am

Okay hon, thank you for the info.... I am tight on cash now... but I will keep my eye out at a used bookstore nearby (it is HUGE) and often has the coolest books. If I can't find it there I may just but it at Border's next month.

Thanks for your replies, they mean lots!!!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 01-04-2005 - 3:38pm

One better.

CL-Blueliner4