Please tell me to get a grip!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
Please tell me to get a grip!
3
Sat, 02-19-2005 - 1:54am

I've had a week from hell not to mention a day from hell. First off, Valentine's Day I got my divorce. Praise the Lord, Alleluhah! Only to sit in the waiting room with him not speaking to me. Fine! I survived. Then he doesn't answer the phone when it involves are daughter and her medicine. He's sulking. Fine. I can deal with that too. I ran into both of them at Walmart and he was still sulking. Fine! He called me last night on the phone about DD's med's and I layed into him. Told him I was tired of being nice, blah, blah, blah. After him pushing my buttons, he called back Mr. Nice Guy. He's so sadistic. He loves to get off on my anger. So I dealt with that for the past four days.

Today he calls regarding my DD's failing grade in History. He talks to the school principal, teacher, and guidance counselor and so do I. Long story short....she got mad because he brought her into the teacher's conferences that she wasn't prepared for. Then she got more angry after that and refused to let him take her for a hair cut that she wanted so bad. They went home, he left to go get supper, she called me at work and proclaimed her hatred for me "too" and told me how she was destroying her baby videos. She did destroy her "baby's 1st birthday" tape. I called her counselor (because I was afraid she'd get into this "cutting" thing she used to do, plus she was out of control) and the counselor told me he should have taken her for the haircut since it was contingent on her good grade in Science, which she did get a C+. The counselor told me to let him deal with it since he started the problem, and I should take her to a Bball game with me tonight since it was contingent on the grade too. I took her to the game because she did get a good grade in Science. The rest will have to be dealt with this next week.

Why am I seeking support? I don't get any anywhere else. This was the background to why I feel the way I do now. Last Saturday I went to a dance and had a wonderful time, enjoying myself and celebrating the single life. I was with friends. I had one guy who offered to take me home because I had no way. I was drinking and didn't want to go there. So instead I had the jerk that came into my life over a year ago take me home. Him and his GIRLFRIEND! This jerk (who showed me this attraction in too many ways to talk about) has been haunting me for over a year now. I was vulnerable in an emotional and mental abusive marriage. He was there giving me support but I never had an affair with him or even came close. It was an emotional affair in my mind. But he still plays. I don't know what it is but after the week from hell, I'm sitting here at 1:30 in the morning crying feeling like a lost soul. Why did he even bother!?!? Some other acquaintance was there and offered to take me home. He was just a little to close for comfort for me. So when this jerk says "me and "the girlfriend" will take you home, I jumped on it. He's had the girlfriend for 7 months. They see each other every Saturday. She drives to his place and stays there. They're not even together when there out. At the bar, he wasn't even with her. I was standing and being oh so comfortable the whole time. They're never "together" in public. He does his thing; she does her's.

So tonight, after having the week and day from hell I pass his house (it's on my way home) and see her car there. So I'm devastated. I have nowhere to turn. Where do I post this? I need to get a grip. I'm an emotional wreck. My dd is on a path of destruction because of the divorce. My Ex-H, and oh that feels so good, continues his sadistic mind, and I feel I'm not good enough for anything. I've destroyed my dd's life. I'm caught up in an emotional affair that I keep thinking "some day".

I need somebody to tell me get a grip. I always get emotional when XH and dd make me feel guilty. I've done this to her. And I probably wouldn't be sitting here right now if this other jerk never came into my life. I'd still be putting up with all the bullsh*t. And when I get emotional like this, this is when I'd think of this jerk, because that part of my life always made me happy. Most times I am happy within myself. Times like this I'm not. I just want to know "why"?

Help???
Happy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Sat, 02-19-2005 - 7:56am

Wow, your week sucked!

First off, your daughter is at an age that she is going to hate you at times anyway. He is feeding into this. She doesn't understand things and probably won't for a long time. Don't take anything personal that does right now. Just set YOUR rules, stay consistent, and tell her you love her. Hide her tapes, put your chin up and don't let her get to you.
It hurts, but that is the only way to get through it.

As far as that guy goes, welcome to the real world. We are back on the block so to speak and haven't been in this scene for 100 years. It's hard, and we have to still get a grip on our self esteem. We are still innocent and think that the one we married was the only idiot out there. There are tons of them. Our wounds are still open and when scratched hurt like he##.

Anyway, I was wondering what after affects happen once you go to court and do it...I am not looking forward to it.

Get your schedule and let's plan our weekend. That will give you something to look forward to!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2001
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 8:37am

Happy, I hope this week is a little, no alot better. Just wanted you to know that if there is anything I can do let me know. Take care and be safe.

Luv Sherry

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 8:59am

Thanks, Sherry! I had a bad Saturday morning and talked to friends and they helped. Saturday night I was with a friend and worked and talked til 3 a.m. That helped. Sunday I worked again and that helped. It's all about having friends and keeping busy. The week is still getting off to a not-so-great start but I'll be okay. Strength! That's all I pray for. I just feel very weak right now. I think "did I do the right thing?" Then I remember how I lived, and it makes me sick to even think that I DIDN'T do the right thing. I know I did but it's all about that "security" thing. Unhappy but secure...it just doesn't fit. I'll be okay; I know that. It just takes time and patience, and I lack patience!

And if the damn sun would come out, I'm sure my frame of mind would be a whole lot better!!!

Thanks,
Happy