portrait of a loser abuser

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
portrait of a loser abuser
2
Mon, 02-20-2006 - 11:02pm

CAHL's Ma dearest called to give me a piece of her mind about how I am causing 'more harm than good'. From this enlightening conversation though, it became clear to me that CAHL has been feeding her a bunch of something rancid. First thing I cleared is that I was accused of changing the phone number to prevent CAHL from calling son. Um, Ma dialed the same old number and I answered. Must not be true. CAHL said I prevented any packages or cards from getting to son. I reported that CAHL only gave one gift to son since....well, ever. A 99 cent box of chalk last year during one visit. Apparently CAHL's story of meeting his new wife went something like:

'That mean woman threw me out on the street with no money or job and so I went for a walk feeling really sad. Before I knew it, I had walked a few countries away and found myself in Poland. Oh my gosh! I said, and this really nice Polish woman said, don't worry, I will take care of you. We were in love within seconds. Within a week or two, it was clear she was the one and she said, bring your mother over to stay with me, I want to marry you. So then Ma, you met her, she married me and went back to the US with me to start a new life in California.'

So I asked her, did she really think he had just met her only a few weeks after I informed him of the divorce proceedings? Get real. And those love messages he had translated into Polish online a year before were for me? Too bad I don't speak Polish.

Apparently he told her some sob story about how he has no money and no job. I guess this Polish woman takes care of him? Perhaps she is an heiress? I told the Ma that I figure CAHL took over 100k over two years time. She didn't want to believe. So how is the happy couple living in California unemployeed anyhow? And how was CAHL out touring Europe as we speak without any money? Again disbelief. Though I am certain the money must be running low by now. CAHL better get it together quick, or he will have to really dive in to the funds of his apparent heiress wife.

As I posted previously, CAHL had called to harrass me on Friday, and I wondered what the whole point of it was. Then I considered the fact that he is in Europe but still doesn't attempt to see son, yet cries to Ma about how he hasn't got the money to travel so far to Europe to see son. Well, I think I have a possible explanation. CAHL fed his Ma so much rubish, that it figures he would the new wife too. CAHL now has no excuse to leave wife behind while he visits son. He must bring her with. And if that happens, then she sees he is going to a supervised visitation center with two social workers present. Too humiliating for CAHL and would cause wife to maybe wonder about him. So perhaps she was told that the reason for CAHL not visiting is because that horrible woman won't allow him to see son at all. CAHL calls on Friday and makes a show of trying to shake me up enough to make me give him unsupervised visitations so that he can save face with his wife. Of course that can't happen because he is violent. Not good for son and not good for me. The court and all the psychs have agreed fortunately. The other possibility is that he just doesn't care about son and that's that. Both scenerios are possible.

This poor excuse for a man is such a poster boy for narcissistic personality disorder that it is pathetic. And I am tired of being afraid of him. He would do everyone a favour to jump on the nearest rocket into the center of a black hole.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 11:37am
You have a restraining order, correct? It really, really sounds like now is the time to call the police and let them know that there is a violation. The call from the mother could be considered "third party contact" and a violation. Either way, they need to know that something's going on, because it sounds to me like he's planning no good.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 1:27pm
You are right, but unfortunately they don't honour the RO quite as strickly here. Meaning, if it is just a phone call, they will only suggest that I write a letter to his lawyer telling him to stop...but he doesn't have a lawyer anymore. They just shrug it off and tell me to call back when I am in some sort of danger. The RO seems to work mostly to get his name on the books. I am so tired of living with this anxiety. I am just hoping I can get some insite from those who have already dealt with these types of guys so I can understand what I am dealing with. I want to know if I should be nervous. And of course, I suppose I am constantly wondering how he could hurt me the way he has. Why....... I know I will never really understand, and I suppose it will always hurt, even after the healing. I just can't understand how anyone could be so cruel. But I am digressing now. Time to think pleasant thoughts......