pregnant

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2004
pregnant
14
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 10:54am
Hi all. I am so ashamed to have to be telling you this, but I am a month and a half pregnant with Kevins baby. He wants nothing to do with it at this point in his life, so I am stuck raising it on my own and I don't know if it is fair to bring a child into this world knowing it's father wants nothing to do with it. People say he'll change down the road or maybe when he sees him or her, but I doubt he will. He is not ready to grow up, he has told me that himself. He says he is not financially able to take care of another child. Well, either am I but I don't know that I j\have any other choice. He is so worried that I am gonna disrupt his happy little life he has tried to put back together with his wife. I am gonna tell her since he is moving her into the house we shared together, she has a right to know. He talks about doing what is right for his daughter, well what about this baby? It didn't ask to be brought into this world. I am just so confused. I told my stbxh and obviously he is furious since we are still legally married. He keeps asking me how I am gonna raise another kid on my own and he does make some valid points, but I don't know that I could go through with the other options I have. Christina

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
In reply to: girley1219
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 11:26am
oh my, you have a lot of choices to make. do you have an idea of what you want to do? i'm raising three kids alone and it's not easy. i, like you, couldn't bring myself to do what i could have done. the option is there, but can you do it? it's up to you. you having the baby is not going to change his mind. i hate this world sometimes. how the man feels like he actually can choose what he can and can't do. he WILL have to take care of this baby and that is all there is to it. the choice is yours. the lord wouldn't put anything on you that you can't handle. that's what i kept telling myself and still tell myself that to this day. it's hard, very hard. but, if you want to, you can do it. you relax and think for yourself right now. don't let you h make your decision for you. think about what you want to do. what you should do, for you and your baby. make sure you are comfortable w/your decision. let us know how it goes. good luck.

mel

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
In reply to: girley1219
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 11:49am
I am sorry that you are being faced with this decision. I'm sorry that Kevin doesn't want to be responsible. He'll have to though. It's his baby, he will have to pay child support at the very least. I don't have a lot of advice to offer, but I'll keep you in my prayers. Good luck.

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
In reply to: girley1219
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 1:33pm

Oh, brother.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
In reply to: girley1219
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 2:28pm

All the other posters have given you great advice, so I would listen to them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2004
In reply to: girley1219
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 1:03pm
Thanks for your calming words. Right now I am pretty sure I am gonna raise this baby, whether it's on my own or not. When I told Kevin he was in shock. He calls me everyday and is now at least beginning to deal with the fact that this baby is gonna be a part of his life. I have given him a week to tell his wife the truth, he is still with her. He then has the choice to be a part of his childs life or not. I told him a lot could change in the next 9 months and hopefully he will grow up. Christina

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2004
In reply to: girley1219
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 1:12pm
Reading this post brought me to tears. I have thought about adoption and I have read about it, but honestly I really couldn't give up my own blood and not wonder everyday about him or her. I know how hard this is gonna be and the things people here in town are gonna say about me since I am still legally married, but this child was made out of love. I still do love Kevin so much and hope he grows up for this baby's sake. I know he is a good dad to his daughter and he was good to my kids when we were together so he has potentile. Right now he doesn't want to grow up.

I went to a place called Lifeline and they are willing to help me with so much when the baby is born(layette set, clothes, blankets, stroller, car seat, walker) whatever I need. They are also gonna help with maternity clothes. I know I can do this, it's gonna be tough but I will manage. I have over come a lot in the last 5 months. By the way, the due date is the week of Christmas. Thanks again everyone for the support. I knew I could get help here.Christina

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
In reply to: girley1219
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 4:17pm
Oh, Christina, honey! I haven't been checking in here as much as usual (been busy with buying the house and all) and I *just* saw your post!

Don't you worry about what Kevin or STBXH think . . . you do what YOU feel is best for yourself and your baby. I know you'd be a great mother to this child. But, it's important to remember -- part of being a great mother is sometimes knowing what you're *not* capable of handling right now. If you choose to give the baby up for adoption, that may be best for both you and the child. Or, it may be best for you to keep the baby and raise it by yourself. Obviously, at this point, it looks like the baby would be better off without Kevin OR the STBXH -- and, for that matter, so would you, girl! It's a shame that Kevin is acting this way -- I always thought a lot of him from some of the things you've posted in the past. It just goes to show you -- a lot of guys talk a good game, but when the time comes to "sh!t or get off the pot" they inevitably "get off the pot"!

You and I both know you'll make whatever decision is right for you. You just need to have faith in yourself and know that you *will* make the right decision, no matter what. And, I just have to say it: CONGRATULATIONS!!! A Christmas baby -- how cool is that?!?! :oD

Love & BIIIIIG HUGS!

~Emm

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2004
In reply to: girley1219
Fri, 04-23-2004 - 3:29pm
Thanks Emm! I think right now I am gonna have this baby no matter what. I have a lot more help and support than Kevin or my stbxh think. I spoke to Kevin last night and I told him I am more than willing and able to take care of him or her by myself and he got upset and said I won't be by myself, I just need to give him time. I don't know if it's time to sweet talk his wife or time for him to comprehend the fact that he is gonna be a daddy again. After all this, I hate to admit I still love Kevin. The way he is acting is not him and I know it. He is so great with kids, even ones that aren't his. I know he is scared and all, but so am I. I mean, my stbxh keeps throwing it in my face that no one is gonna want a woman with 3 kids, and how an I gonna support it, and just all kinds of negative things, which I guess is understandable in his situation. I really don't want to go through 9 months of pregnancy and than raising another child by myself, but if I have to I guess thats what I do. I am just so glad to be able to come on here and vent about all thats going on. Christina

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: girley1219
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 7:11pm

Hi girley…honestly, I think you should stay away from both of these men and stand on your own for a while so that you can clear your head.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

- Maya Angelou

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2001
In reply to: girley1219
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 10:51pm

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