Pretty sad day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2010
Pretty sad day.
11
Thu, 04-04-2013 - 11:29am

I am just venting and this board looks like the place:)  It is a pretty sad day today an my daughters ex-boyfriend, who has done some very inappropriate things to her while dating and since breaking up is moving to our small town to work today.  He has taken a job here, working in the same building as her.  She found out yesterday, called in a panic,  I had no words, do not know what can be done.  He has the right to work anywhere but why did he decide a job 3 states away from his home, in a town of 5000!!! He has WAY more experience, could have chosen any of several location, its a mystery. She has started to date another guy and is worried sick.  She went on one date before moving home, her ex found out where they were going.  Stalked them, then started calling her phone, when she would not answer he called the dates phone .  Then went to her apartment and demanded to see her.  After that she got a saftey alarm and kept it armed at all times, guess he was a little crazy.  So she did not date again until she moved home.  He told her he had access to her e-mail, and phone account records (that was how he got the dates cell phone number). He told her how he checks how long her calls are with any given number, then searches who that number belongs to.  He even admitted to calling numbers to find out if they were girls or guys that answer.  Our attempts to fix that do not appear to have worked, she keeps her number the same because of her work contacts.  She also has him blocked from her facebook and she is VERY carefull NOT to say anything personal on facebook.  But still if a picture of her just next to another guy gets posted, he calls and freaks out.  She has an e-mail alert on her phone when somebody logs into facebook other than her, just this week she asked if I had because somebody other than her had. Sadly it was not me, we are guessing him.

 She moved back home about 2 months ago, was happy to be somewhat free of him. By somewhat I mean, she was still in contact with him via text, from what she says, if she ignores his calls or texts he freaks out and it was easier to just answer. She had the impression they could be friends, and since he was 3 states away was not giving it much thought.  So now he is coming here.  I have checked, she could get a protective order, but she hates to cause drama.  She asked him NOT to come here to work, but he, as usual, turned it back to her saying what a awfull person she was as he needed this job and how he would not bother her or her family.  Yeah right, he NEVER tells the truth, so why would he now. 

Anyway, with a tear in my eye, I believe I should get back to work:)

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-1998
Thu, 04-04-2013 - 9:04pm

She is going to have to face her fear. I have been in her shoes and came up with every excuse in the book to stay because I was scared to leave. I think she is afraid to get the ro because he has probably threatened her but one step to no longer being a victim is to take the steps to get rid of him. She can easily give her contacts her new number and that should keep him out of her info. I would also be on the phone with her carrier to see what they can  do to protect her information. She is probably hoping he will get bored, normal to want, and go away but he isn't going to till she stands up to him. But when she does all around her need to know what is going on so they can keep an eye out for him because a lot of abusers get dangerous when stood up to. I was lucky and mine threw around empty threats but they didn't sound empty and I will never forget the fear I felt when he threw them around. Does she have a dog? Can she get a dog? One that will bark at an intruder is the best to have. If you can't convince her to get a ro please try to get her to call the dv hotline and talk to someone there. ((((hugs)))))

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