probably getting tired of me

Avatar for smoothone2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
probably getting tired of me
10
Thu, 10-07-2004 - 12:08pm
But I just really need to get this out. His X-wife does she realize that her actions make my life a living hell when she does stupid crap?! She has no put an OFP on him against her daughter (not his daughter her daughter from a previous relationship)because he went to school on Monday the same school his son goes to and he went to his sons classroom to show off a bug exihibit. Some guy he knows works for the school and has exotic bugs snd what not snakes, roaches what not this guy he knows suggested they go to his sons sisters calss as well. Well know since he went to her class, and her daughter wasn't even there because his X pulled her out of class as soon as she found out about it. She acts like he is a serial killer! He has NEVER harmed her daughter why is she doing this crap?! I am so angry and frustrated and hurt right now. Does she realize that this could harm me?! She doesn't know I know yet and I refuse to have anymore contact with her I AM DONE with her! I hope this all makes sense but i didn't know where else to go
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 10-07-2004 - 1:53pm

BRAKES!


Smoothie, calm down for a minute.

CL-Blueliner4

Avatar for smoothone2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Thu, 10-07-2004 - 2:28pm
OK I'm sorry....feeling a little better now I just have to keep telling myself i have no control over what goes on between them two. I think it is time now to move on and away from him. I can't be scared anymore. Its funny because I read my advice to others on here and It is like "wake up would ya! and listen to your own advice"! I don't need this stress anymore I am in the begining of Nursing school and this is getting to me. Panic attatcks are starting to come back, feeling very worn down. Ahhhhhhh I just need this all to be over with. Thanks for eveyones support
Avatar for silvermoon458
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-07-2004 - 2:31pm
Nope, sorry, we are not getting tired of you. ; ) This is exactly the place to come and share what you are feeling and what is going on for you. Post every day if you like! Whatever it takes.

I agree with Gabby. If your husband is taking out on you his frustrations with his ex-wife, it is not her fault, but HIS. He has surely done something to create all the fear she has.

Honey, it is often easier to feel angry toward someone other than our abuser -- it is so much safer. But in truth, HE is the one with the problem and the one who is creating the problems.

Hugs... hang in there, Smoothone, and post as often as you feel.

Christine

Outside ideas of right doing and wrong doing, there is a field. I will meet you there. -- Rumi
Avatar for silvermoon458
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-07-2004 - 2:35pm
Hi! I saw this message just after I posted mine, below.

It is normal to want to control everything around us when we are with an abuser. Gosh, we know that if things get stressful etc., WE are the ones who are going to pay. However, it is impossible to control our lives or theirs... and the abuse will come back no matter what. Abusers will just find another excuse for doing it.

It is NOT okay for him to treat you this way, sweetie.

Hugs again.

Christine

Outside ideas of right doing and wrong doing, there is a field. I will meet you there. -- Rumi
Avatar for smoothone2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Thu, 10-07-2004 - 3:08pm
Well he just called me and said he will probably go to jail for 36 hours I am about ready to have a heart attack right now! then again he didn't know he said he had to go to the court house right now and bring them some paper work I am freaking out I just want to rush home and make it all better for him except I can't do that. Oh my god what have I done?!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 10-07-2004 - 3:59pm

STOP, STOP, STOP!


Smoothie, this isn't your deal.

CL-Blueliner4

Avatar for silvermoon458
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-07-2004 - 4:10pm
Agreeing with Gabby, Smoothone. If he is going to jail for 36 hours, then he has likely done something to deserve it. It cannot POSSIBLY be your fault, honey.

I get the feeling you are deathly afraid of his anger when he gets home. If so, can you stay with a friend or relative for a couple of days? I am VERY worried for your safety. I sense your terror. If you cannot go to a friend's, please consider calling the local shelter and telling them you are in danger.

You need to keep safe. You do NOT need to pay for his illegal activities or wrong-doings with your safety or your life, sweetie.

Hugs!!

Christine

Outside ideas of right doing and wrong doing, there is a field. I will meet you there. -- Rumi
Avatar for smoothone2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Fri, 10-08-2004 - 12:44pm
Tahnks for all your concern here. Well he didn't go to jail and it was actually or i thought it was going to be a good night until after we got home from our meeting (He goes to AA I go to ALAnon) and before that we went to the grocery store we buy everthing in bulk. So when we got home I asked if I could just do the meat tommorow and he said NO because tommorow was Friday and I wasn't going to be there. So he ended up "talking" to me for about an hour and all is a blur I just sat and cried the whole time. He said a few harsh things like my mom was my dads whore, my mom didn't give my dad a family he gave her kids but not a family. My dads anniversary date is coming up on the 18th he has been deceased for 2 years now and to have someone talk that way about him is like putting a knife through my chest. He was so calm the whole time he was talking. He said he is asking me to leave and for just once he would wish I would listen to him and if I really loc=ved him that much I would leave and get out of his life! So what the heck is stopping me?! I have all this support from friends and family and I know i can make it on my own easily. So what else can i be afraid of?! thanks for everyones support here
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Fri, 10-08-2004 - 12:51pm

I don't have any words of wisdom or advice right now, but I do have a large box of Kleenex, a snuggly blanket and fluffed up the large pillows over by the fireplace if you want to go curl up over there.


He was a miserable SOB to you last night.

CL-Blueliner4

Avatar for smoothone2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Fri, 10-08-2004 - 1:03pm
Thanks...Hot choclate sounds nice I will be right over LOL. I will be OK I know i will. I just wish his Xwife would stop e-mailing me and calling me she also called my mom and my cousin this morning. I wasn't responding to her E-mails or her phone call to me here at work this morning she thought i was dead or something. She acts like he is a serial killer. But i do understand her concern for me its just so overwhelming. I don't know how i made it out of bed this morning. My eyes were still swollen from crying. But you know this actually makes me feel better being here at work and typeing to all of you. And also reading, reading, reading everything on here I could never thank you guys enoguh!