Probably thinking about this way to early but ...........

Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Probably thinking about this way to early but ...........
4
Thu, 04-12-2012 - 7:54am

Saturday marks the day that I gave my self the best birthday present ever and was the start to the end of abuse in my life. Normally around now I am a little on edge as things build up to May 6th but not feeling it and so far DS is OK.

April 14h is my pithead and seven years ago I decided that I was no longer going to sleep with my ex husband for my present to me. He was obsessed with sex and as long as he got some all was OK but wath out when he didn't. For years I gave in to keep the peace and felt like a whore. I cried myself to sleep after sex without him knowing. If he had know I would have had to listen to him claim to be sorry and that was almost as bad as the sex since I knew he didn't mean it. So I had to tell him that I enjoyed sex with him, makes my skin crawl to think about that.

I wasn't sure I could stick to it but I did for three weeks. It was three weeks of hell were he tried just about everything to get me to give in but I didn't. On the night of May 5th he went out drinking and came home and was determined to get his way. Over several hours I was called every name in the book, put down in every way possible, still to this day I have no idea how one of my thumbs o wrist didn't break over the pressure he used on them, I was hit a few times (I was chanting in my head for him to hit me had enough to leave a mark so I could leave him but he didn't), and in the end he was trying to rip my clothes off of me to rape me with our nine year old son watching.

My breaking point was telling


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2000

Perhaps you and your kids should plan some special way to celebrate the date...start making positive memories for the date to help leave the bad memories behind. Even if E has mild behavior issues around the date, celebrate how far he has come and not focus on his shortcomings....plan some kind of party, or special outing for the four of you (and special friends you might wish to include) and start making good memories and stop focusing on the bad that happened at that time...once you start new traditions for that time of year it will make it far easier to leave the bad behind and never let it control your lives again...as long as you sit around and "wait" to see if someone has a negative reaction, you are still giving the abuser your time and energy and I know you are so done with doing that...so never mind the bad, it is behind you and you all have come a long way in recovery...now to evict him and his actions once and for all, change those dates to something to look forward to by making new traditions that are fun and exciting for everyone to look forward to....kind of like a special thanks giving celebration etc...

Just my humble opinion

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001

I'm with Kat to some extent.

Mama Harmony

Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

I would love to one day forget this date and with others I think about them ahead of time and sometimes they pass and a day or two later I am like oh yeah, so that could happen with this one but doubt it till I know E will be OK with it.


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Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

I feel like I am being defensive and I am not trying to be. I agree with everything you both said but see it all differently and was trying to explain that but my thoughts don't feel like they are coming out right. Sorry for that.

Things really are pretty good at home other then my oldest works to much. She has two part time jobs and a baby sitting job on top of school full time and track! Sometimes I wonder if she is like me and takes on to much because its easier to deal with life sometimes when its to stressed them when it is all calm. I did hit a patch like that again but I think I am OK but then again my boyfriend (been seeing him off and an on for five years) is moving in by the end of the month and that would turn everything upside down for me, LOL. And yes this is also why I am worried about E and I know this is not the best of timing but its when is lease is up and E needs to learn the world can't stop because of a bad date.


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