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| Fri, 06-02-2006 - 5:55am |
the reason i dont want to leave him and i still love him for everything he has done to me is because, well, when i was 13, he was 22 and came in the states from romania to stay with his best friend, who was married to my mom at that time, we fell in love.... but his visa expired and he had to go back to romania, and he waited for me for 1YEAR AND FOUR MONTHS, talking to me every single day from dawn to dusk on the net, and me the same, he was faithful to me the whole time, and i knew and believed he would wait for me even if i had to be 18, because my mom wouldnt let me just go in romania to live with him,
This continued for one year and four months, then when i turned 15, almost 16 my mom took me to romania to marry him, and i did, i married my soul mate. I am so proud and so stunned that he would wait for ME for one yr and four months, he was like a monk. i know what you all are thinking, (ya right he might of done somthin behind your back) , but im telling you ladies he didnt, and i dont think any other man would ever do this for another woman, we are unseperable,
the reason why im being abused is beacuse he said ive turned into a diff person than who he fell in love with, and makes me feel like i deserve these things, like i said, i dont want to leave him

Sweetie, I'm guessing you are about 20 yrs old now? I don't know how to say this gently. You were preyed upon by a pedophile and then married him that's why he thinks he's the boss of you. 22 year old men don't hang with or date girls that young. For starters, it's illegal and he could be arrested for statutory rape. He might have been celebate for the year you were appart, but the non stop talking was grooming. Grooming to be his victim.
You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. You don't deserve this. Soul mates don't tell you they will rape you to prove they are in control. That's not making love it's rape, plain and simple.
And it's no wonder you have some emotional ups and downs you're still growing up and becoming an adult. And there's nothing wrong with that. Most people aren't done growing up until they are 25 or so.
Please think hard about staying. Things will get worse they always do with abusers and I am worried that once you become older he will find another younger victim to prey upon. Leave and finish growing up. Enjoy your youth we only get once chance at it. Go to college and become the woman you never thought you could be.
Hugs,
Jennifer
Thank you, Jennifer.
Well, no, actually, my husband waited for much longer than that before we were married. I've known of many other couples for whom that was true, so please don't let him use that as an excuse to abuse you. Having "changed" is not an excuse either. It might be a reason for divorce (though a lame one IMO), but it's not a reason to stay and abuse.
Another thing. I know zilch about Romanian culture, so I'll ask any Romanians reading this to please forgive any incorrect generalizations I may make. However, it has been my experience that many other cultures do not see spousal abuse as a problem in the same way that Westernized cultures (I'm using this term to mean UK, US, Canada, etc.) do. This is NOT an excuse for his behavior. What it may mean is that the idea that this is OK, which it is NOT, may be culturally ingrained in him, lowering even more the already slim chance that he might change his behavior. I had this problem with my ex, Leon-the-Loony- he came from a South American culture in which women were expected to tolerate their husband's behavior, and to sort it out themselves if it got out of control.
NOT to say that everyone from this or any other culture is automatically an abuser, but cultural attitudes add another layer to things, and if someone is already inclined to abuse, such attitudes foster it even more. This means that things are even less likely to improve with him, and the chances of improvement weren't all that great to begin with. The question is, do you want to spend the rest of your life this way? Because that is most likely what will happen if you choose to stay.