Question?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Question?
4
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 1:30pm
There are so many questions I need answered. I guess most of them will be answered with time. But why do I feel so responsible for what has happened? I saw him last night to discuss him moving out etc. Everything was ok for about 15 minutes, then he started accusing saying that he wouldn't have done this to me if I was normal. I have a drinking problem, I need therapy, he has NEVER done this to another women, he is going to find himself a better women...crazy stuff like that. Can someone else relate to this? Is this what they all say? I know I am by no means perfect and I don't claim to be. But I just don't think that degrading and violent behaviour is something anyone deserves.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
In reply to: ddinkle
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 2:31pm

Repeat after me. YOU'RE NOT CRAZY and if you had a problem in life I am sure you would set up an appointment and deal with it.

He chose to hit you and hurt you physically and verbally. He could have walked away or if he could not have said something nice just not said anything. He didn't. He put you in the spot you're in. You loved him and he took more and more.

Abusers will NEVER take responsiblity for anything. It's always someone else's fault and sure as I am sitting here typing he probably has done this before. I know mine did in every relationship where they lived together and if not living together the ex's still saw him break things and hurt others over truelly stupid things.

I look at it like this. I did everything in my power to fix him/get him help/be supportive and make my marriage work. At some point, you have to accept you did all you could and let go to save yourself. It's hard, but in the end I knew I had to save myself and my child and let him go.

Also, abusers always do things intentionally. If he says he doesn't remember, he does it's a crazymaking game to them. I would have a lawyer work up separation papers and let him deal with your soon to be ex. That may save your sanity in the process.

Hang in there. It really does get better.
Jennifer

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
In reply to: ddinkle
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 9:32pm
...And this is the second time the forgetting trick has come up this week.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2006
In reply to: ddinkle
Fri, 02-10-2006 - 1:42am
I heard the same things. It was my fault. No other women made him act that way. For awhile there I believed him. But Its not are fault
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
In reply to: ddinkle
Fri, 02-10-2006 - 2:34pm
LOL!! That one made me laugh! Thanks!