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| Tue, 06-01-2004 - 7:19am |
When do you know when you are ready to see someone new? I have brkn up with my abusive ex a couple monthes ago. I met someone about a month ago. I do like him but I am sort of having a problem right know. I told him upfront about my situation and explained that I might need some space and to take it slow because of everything I went through. He is fine with that and has been pretty patient with me. My problem is I do not know how to act when I am with him. I feel like I am messing everything up in a sense. THis guy is nothing like what I am used to. He is very sweet and caring and a very passive person nothing like my ex. My ex has also started to cause some turmoil again because of me seeing someone new. This new guy told me yesterday that he feels like he is causing problem between me and my ex and told me that he felt I needed some space so I can work through everything. He said that he is not going any where and when I am ready to give him a call. What should I do. I do like him and would like to start something with him but I am just having a hard time when I am with him. I act all wierd and not myself.

I know the feeling. I am kind of going through that myself right now. My counselor told me anything I do for now to remember "slow and steady." This guy sounds nice and if he is willing to back off,take advantage of it and go real slow. It is hard to act normal around people because for so long you acted how they wanted you to act. For a long time I didn't feel comfortable carrying on the the simplest conversation. It seemed like I had to force myself. Becoming comfortable with your thoughts and opinions takes practice. How can you mess things up? If you are truly yourself, the other person should be willing to accept the true you. Problem is, you do need the time to find the true you. How about just doing something simple activity with him like going to the zoo or miniature golf. Don't talk about issues, just enjoy what you are doing and talk about that. Don't have him pick you up. Arrange to meet him at the function, then possibly get something to eat and then end the date. You can learn alot about yourself and others on even simple things.
Not sure if I came through with what I was trying to say here...so hope this helps.
Terry
Anyway, let me try to write this again. I am in a similiar type situation right now. The one thing I have done was heed the words of my counselor "slow and steady." One of biggest hurdles we have when we get free is being ourselves. We spent so much time trying to please someone else, we are clueless to figure out who we really are. It comes though, in small spurts and takes a while. The last thing you want to do is put yourself in a position where you are allowing yourself to be emotionally dependent on someone else yet. This guy was willing to back off and that is a good sign. Why not just do something little with him, like go to the zoo, play miniature golf, horseback riding, etc. No pressure and you are placing yourself in a situation that you are doing something that you two can share. Sometimes by doing the simplist things, you learn more about yourself. Keep the majority of your days to yourself and take a little time to reflect how you acted when you were out and why. That's what I have been doing and it seems to be working.
Hope this helps,
Terry