Question About Child Protective Services

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Question About Child Protective Services
8
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 1:19pm

I went to see a new therapist yesterday regarding my recent incident of being choked by my husband. The therapist asked if my son witnessed the incident and I said no, he was sleeping at the time. She informed me that if he had, she would've called Child Protective Services (CPS) and they would've removed my son from our home.

I am really upset about this. I don't know who to trust anymore as calling CPS for a first-time incident seems extreme. Additionally, it seems a good idea that I didn't call the police that evening because now I realize they could've removed my child from our home.

I am also having a tough time trusting this new therapist as I feel I need to be careful what is said to her; I feel she tricked me by asking that question. Please realize, my son is not in a situation of on-going abuse; this was the first incident like this. In essense, feel I may be punished for being a victim of abuse by having my son taken away. Seems extreme...

Any thoughts?

~Cyan

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 1:50pm

This isn't extreme.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 1:51pm
Counselors are mandated reporters. That means they have no choice but to report what the law defines as abuse, if they don't , they could lose their jobs. I don't think the focus was to trick you, but to follow the law and protect her job. This is reality: you and your child are in an unsafe dysfunctional enviroment. The choice you have now is to stay but that will require some covering up and watching your back(as you have learned from the counseling secession) or you can leave and be free and have nothing to hide.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2005
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 3:52pm
Cyan -- I can only tell you what I have learned the hard way these past 7 years. I also went to counseling -- as did my son. We took the notice of privacy and confidentiality seriously and I felt so good that my son would have someone to talk to, open up with, all the good things. And for me, too. We went to therapists on my insurance, not through a battered womens shelter. Everything was fine until my ex-husband decided to file for custody. He was then able to subpoena my son's counselor's notes so all of what he told his therapist was used against us in court and my ex-husband now has custody of my son -- the court felt that I must have alienated my son from his father based on incidents of witnessing abuse from my ex to me when I thought he was asleep, not there, etc. The children always know and when it comes to court, everything you say can be brought in as evidence, every word the counselors write. You can find counseling through the national anonymous hotlines and through shelters where the counselors know what can happen and are prepared and what you say is really confidential. so be careful.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 4:11pm
Wait a minute, I need to pick my jaw up from the floor after reading that one.
5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 4:27pm

When I did my counseling in 02/03, my counselor stated that everything was confidential, unless I was either a threat to myself (she didn't think so)

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 4:58pm

Yeah, I understand what you are saying now.

5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 6:02pm

Hi there, I just had to jump on in. I am a social worker (not with CPS), therefore a mandated reporter. If an incident occurs or even if I just suspect child abuse, I am required by law to report it. I am not required to investigate or gather more information, that is the responsibility of law enforcement or CPS. Not only could I lose my job, I would have a hard time getting another one and I could be fined or put in jail. The consequences for ignoring reporting to CPS are significant.

For me, in my work, it is not that threat that keeps me reporting when I should. What motivates me to report is wondering if that child is going to be accidentally harmed during an incident of dv. Worse, if that child could be killed by trying to protect a parent or get in the middle. We hear these stories every day. These are not hype, they are real. If a child doesn't get accidently caught in the crossfire then maybe what they witness is their mother being shot or something else equally awful.

So, for you, I imagine it was very threatening the way the therapist chose to tell you she is a mandated reporter. I will say that it was wrong for her to tell you they will take the kids. Most likely on a first incident they wouldn't. BUT, let me also say that if/when your H's behavior continues, I can guarantee you that it will get somehow reported to CPS. CPS/Law Enforcement takes dv very seriously when kids are involved because of the significant effects it has on children. They don't want to break up families, but they do have a responsibility to protect children when the parents are unable to.

Something for you to think about, are you absolutely, positively sure your child didn't hear any arguing? I couldn't imagine how scary that could have sounded to your child. To be completely honest, I would have reported it to CPS anyway, even if your child was asleep. This is not to be mean to you. This is not to say you don't love your child with all your heart. But I am saying that my concern would be with the well being of your child. Sounds like your family is in need of help.

As far as the counseling, stick with it. Any counselor you go to is a mandated reporter. Sounds like you are in need of some support, take it. IF CPS were to get involved they can actually be a strong advocate for you and a terrific support. Of course there are not so good social workers, but for the most part they do a pretty good job.

I hope this didn't sound too preachy, I get fired up sometimes about this issue.

Liz

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Fri, 02-25-2005 - 9:56am

I don't mean to but in here, but how do you know your child didn't see you or hear things. You passed out. What if he heard your body hit the floor and came out to see if mommy was okay?

I know you love your family, but please listen to those of us who have been there. There are probably many signs and things that happened to you that you didn't realize were abuse. I know I didn't see the forest for the trees for a long, long time.

He crossed a line and he can't take that back. I would be willing to bet he doesn't want to talk about what happened that night or what needs to happen to ensure you are never in that position again. My ex husband never beat me, but in the months leading up to my leaving he threatened to take my son when he was born, he told my 80 year old grandmother he wished she'd just die, and he pulled my hair. The final straw was the night he told me he would kill me if he ever saw me again. He tried to apologize, but 10 days later ran me off the road and told me he meant what he said and he would kill me. This happened where I work at and I was 8 months pregnant with our son.

Please get yourself the help and support you deserve. It doesn't mean you failed or have given up on your marriage. You haven't filed any papers, but he needs to get help. Once someone knows they can physically hurt you, it will happen again.