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| Tue, 02-06-2007 - 9:43pm |
Hi -
I used to post here long ago . . . way back in '99, '00 and '01. Is it possible to go back that far in archives, and view old postings? Do you have to be a paying member of some kind? I don't see that option on here anymore. If anyone knows how to get there, can you post the instrutions?
I consider myself one of the lucky women who, through much help from this Board at the time, was able to get the strength I needed to leave my abusive ex, and get a divorce. I have been free for 5 years!
However, the ex has been trying to manipulate me again, and I still sometimes fall prey to his 'demands'. It's weird how I sometimes forget I really don't have to deal with him at all! Anyway, I have this irrational fear that no one would believe some of the things he's done, (he of course to this day denies any type of abuse), and I feel by finding and reading some of my old postings, it will validate that yes, these things did happen.
Living with that abuse, I never told anyone anything, so I have no one to back me up, as no one knew what was going on. Funny how time changes that. When people ask now, I have no hesitation in telling them I was in an abusive relationship. Things come out that I never would have admitted to, and I forget I never really told anyone what was going on, and friends are still sometimes appalled by what they hear.
Looking back, I myself wonder, "why did I live like that? / tolerate his abuse? / put up with his crap?" Never would I fall prey to that again! Amazing how self-esteem and confidence come back as time passes. I waited 18 months to get back into the dating pool, and it took another 18 to finally meet someone I now have a relationship with (going on two years). During that dating period, I could spot the abusers right away. I steered clear. I learned here about abuse and its forms, and it really helped me get through the divorce, and get to where I am today.
However, with recent develoments in the kids' lives, I've had to have more contact with the ex than I care to, and he hasn't changed! I'm blamed for everything bad that happens to our kids. We BOTH raised them, but that doesn't seem to register with him. So though I know in my mind he's trying to shift blame, I'm left feeling guilty and depressed. So I'm hoping looking back through some old postings might be beneficial to me right now. That, and I do have a counseling appointment Thursday. First one in quite some time, but needed just the same.
Thanks for any help on finding this old information, I hope it is still available.
Sue

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I'll keep checking the search off and on for you over the next few days and see if I can get you what you're looking for. In the meantime, you should be able to go back through the archives the slow, tedious way by clicking the "more" link at the end of the General discussion folder, each page it brings up should have another "more" link that will take you back one more. I used to have a system that would force an archive page back to the date you wanted to look for, but I just tried it here, and it didn't work. Maybe the folders got changed? I'm not sure why it isn't working. I'll keep working on it. In the meantime, have you tried going back page by page? If so, are you having trouble getting back as far as you want to go?
Edited 2/7/2007 3:06 am ET by 2nd_life
~ cl-2nd_lifecl-2nd_
I'll do some checking and see what I can find out.
Edited 2/7/2007 3:06 am ET by 2nd_life
~ cl-2nd_lifecl-2nd_
Hi Sue! Welcome back to the board :o)
I'm more of a newbie, so I don't remember you.. but thanks for posting and sharing some of your story. It is great that you are in a new loving relationship. It's funny that after an absuive one you learn so many signs of abuse, that you can spot them from a mile away!
It's great you're going to some counselling. Have you checked out any support groups? I went a few times and it was great. It is hard telling your story, but it is nice to go and talk to other women that know what you have gone through. I would like to go more, but with my busy schedule, I can't right now.
As for the old posts, it looks like 2nd-Life is checking that out for you... I will also keep checking to see if the search is working. Oh, and yes you do have to have the Express Package to use the advanced search.
Hope you stick around!
L A U R E
Hey, thanks for checking into this for me. I think I may have posted under just plain "SueMi" back in '99, OR, I may have been a lurker for a few months before I actually posted to the board, which could have been 2000. Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, at some point I changed from SueMi to bluebird1234. I had totally forgotten that.
Let me know what you find out. If I can't get to the archives without being a "premium" member, I just may have to join! But I'd like to know whether they still exist, before I do.
Thanks
Sue
Here are the posts under "Suemi2000" listed first to last (April 2000 - June 2000):
New member
Okay, what is a 'dh' please, and any ...
Geez, I am nervous right now!
I wish it could be over!
My dh says I am a abusive?
Your Opinions Please . . .
Well, I attended my 1st support group...
Under Bluebird1234 (June 1, 2000 to January 4, 2006):
FYI - I changed my board name . . .
Something Else to Worry About!
Its not just the verbal abuse . . . ...
A Quick Post Not Totally Related to A...
Just wondering . . .
Speaking of Father's Day . . .
AAARRRGH!!
Speaking of Reading Material . . .
Joining the good news/bad news bandwa...
Crazymaking at its best . . .
Hope everyone has a great day!
Another life lost to DV
Hey all! I'm back from vacation, jus...
I am Really Ticked !
Still ticked, but I gotta go mow the ...
Blacksheep, I read your post #68 . . .
My Weekend Was Not Good . . .
Mindspeak - I'm responding to your po...
1st steps taken . . .
Hey! First poster . . .
Emotions running in circles! (Long)
AARGH! (Early am looong ramble)
Classic!
Short Update
Hey! What happened to responses to #...
A word of caution about sharing plan ...
I slipped up again!
Minor vent!
I'd like to know where everyone's fro...
Fluffy, something you said below just...
Don't know where to begin . . .
Thank you to all who replied
Progress! :) and 48hrs comment
Hey! Am I the Only night owl on this...
Encouragement from a Friend
1st Day in Court Yesterday!
Remind me again that its not all me ....
Another Vent . . .
It's hard not to get sucked into thei...
Deep breath, exhale . . . things are ...
So Typical - here's my joke of the da...
A 'vent' and a question for those who...
~~~New Rules!!!~~~
Whew! The loan went through for the ...
Can't Resist ~~~ First Poster!
~sigh~ (this will probably be long)
Need to Vent!
WooHoo! One giant leap forward!
Hey everyone!
Hey! First Poster!
Hi all . . .
Message Archives?
If you're thinking it seems like you posted a lot more than that, you're right. I only gave you the posts that you started, I didn't add those that were replies to the posts of others. I'm working in Firefox, so have to write the post link in code. I think I might be able to just copy/paste it in IE, so I'll see if I can successfully copy them from work, where we use IE first thing in the morning (West coast time). There were 61 messages under Suemi2000 and 354 for Bluebird1234.
I don't know how you're going to react, but I think it might really "twang" me to read my stuff from my abuse days. I know what you mean about still being sucked in by your old abuser. Years after I'd left my abuser, I found myself still falling for the same line of crap I fell for when we were married. I ask him where the money he owes me is, he gives me a non-committal song and dance, and I believe it. Until months later when I still don't have my money and I realize he gave me the same BS he gave me before, and I'm still buying it, even though I know better. Good for you, checking back in with your therapist, that's a really smart, proactive thing to do when you're feeling yourself be affected by him.
Hopefully I'll be back in the morning with all your posts!
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown
~ cl-2nd_lifecl-2nd_
2nd_life - WOW, this is amazing! I can't believe you were able to find all those! I can't tell you how much I appreciate that. It's going to keep me busy for a while, but I am compiling all this information into one place and putting it on CD. I'm not sure why, but it's something I need to do.
Coincidentally - I almost feel like history is repeating - it's so bizaar. First off, I am so glad I went to the counselor yesterday. He is very perceptive and at one point he asks "do you always beat yourself up this way? Are you always so hard on yourself?" I was surprised by that, because my boyfriend said just a couple weeks ago "why do you always blame yourself for everything?". So I have come to the realization that, never having gone through counseling during and after my divorce it's time I did.
So here's the part where I feel like history is repeating - I got two voicemails from the ex today, he's very upset about something going on with our son (who's 18), and he left me two of the nastiest voicemails you could think of! I saved them on my phone and tried to record them after work today on the computer. I need to find a better microphone.
I'm thinking of letting the counselor hear them so he know's what I endured all those years. It was classic verbal abuse, in loud, angry, yelling voice! He was trying to get me to handle something that is totally his responsibility! He called me A----- for leaving my son's car at his house (where it belongs). Tried to get me to leave work to get the car and bring it to my house . . . Said the people at the Courthouse are A__ H____, and so am I, and every other word was F this and F that, and I could go F off!
Anyway, when I talked to him in person about the issue, he tried to get me to take control/responsibility for what he wanted done, and I just said "no - its your car, you handle it". He was sooooo mad! But I felt good for standing up for myself. He hung up and I haven't heard a word since.
It's almost scary, except that its been five years! He STILL tries to control me, through our kids, which are now 18 and 21, so he's LOST control, and I think that's why these last few months he's been trying to get to me again. He's got no one left! He does have a girlfriend whose been around a couple years now - I don't know how she can stand it! I bet he manipulates the heck out of her.
I'm glad I can still come here and vent, though I do vent to others now as well, so it's no longer some hidden secret. I figure, why hide? He's the sick one, not me.
Thank you so much for finding all those posts!
Sue
I swear, it's nothing short of amazing what therapists can pick up on and recognize. They can see through an issue in an instant, verbalize it to you and it all makes so much sense, whereas this is something you've been struggling with for years, hadn't at all seen what they so quickly saw, and you likely never would have without their help. Although, in this case, you call your therapist "very perceptive", it sounds like your boyfriend is too.... either that or you don't see in you own actions what's pretty clear to others ~ lol, that never happens!
Your ex's behavior just goes to show abusers do not change, period. You can bet his girlfriend is going through the exact same thing you were going through. Good for you for standing up to him, I think that shows a lot. I think having your therapist listen to those tapes is a good idea, giving him an idea of what you put up with - and are still dealing with I think could be really helpful.
I don't keep the abuse secret anymore either. I figure only good can come from telling it, more understanding and/or some I tell may just be in a similar situation and it might help them get out.
Have you been to the New Beginnings board? You might find some of your old board members there: Domestic Abuse: New Beginnings
I'll be back at work on Monday and can post those other links then if you want them. Let me know. I'm glad I could help!
~ cl-2nd_lifecl-2nd_
How were you able to find these archives?
Mari
Hello 2nd_life. Thanks again for finding all my old posts. I'm still working on getting them all down on paper. I wouldn't mind having all my responses to the other posts as well, but only if it's not too much trouble. If you'd rather email them to me, just let me know and I'll provide and addy. Otherwise posting them here is great.
I think I will be jumping back over to the "New Beginnings" Board after my next counseling session, see if anyone from back in my day are over there. Have a great week!
Sue
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