A question- re: affairs
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| Wed, 01-26-2005 - 11:21pm |
On Sunday I went to a sports game my BF was in, and I caught him flirting- heavily and very intimately- with a woman I've long suspected he might have a thing on the side with. She plays on a sports team he is captain of. It's really weird because he claims he doesn't like her, yet they've gone out to a couple dinners and a movie (which I only learned about when he accidentally let it slip on Sunday). I was actually surprised to see her there to begin with, because he told me last week that he had kicked her off his team. But there they were, playing the game and really flirting a lot (they even embraced and started dancing during a break) Anyway, I have no "evidence" of an affair, other than my intuition and this recent witnessing of his behavior.
I find it really odd, since he is always accusing me of cheating on him with my platonic male friends. I have never told him he couldn't hang out with this woman, even though I've always thought there was something going on. I've just told myself not to be paranoid and to trust him. But the fact remains that my intuition tells me something isn't right, and now after Sunday, I am really concerned. I don't have this wierd suspicion about any of the other women he hangs out with.
I did confront him about his flirting, and at first he denied everything, then admitted to it, but claimed it was "all in sport" to "keep up the morale" of the team. (I'm not very sports-inclined, but ballroom dancing on the court?? Isn't that a bit much?) He then changed the topic to my shortcomings, and bulldozed the conversation so I couldn't get a word in edgewise. Furthermore, he then told me I was no longer welcome to attend his games. He says he is afraid my jealousy will cause me to do something crazy and embarrass him in front of his friends. But I can't help but wonder if his un-inviting me is more to keep me out of the way so he can hang out with her and not worry about me interfering?
In your experience, is it common for emotional abusers to have affairs? Does anyone have any feedback about what I witnessed? Am I being too touchy about this, or do you think there might be something going on? Should I trust my intuition? How on earth would I find out for sure if he is seeing her on the side?

I don't know if it's always the case, but it seems to be frequent.
CL-Blueliner4