Question on relationship
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| Mon, 01-24-2005 - 7:26pm |
I am new here and boy, oh boy, do I think that I have messed up!
I am remarried to my spouse. We divorced because I was not able to handle the rollercoaster. The problem is after counseling and marriage counseling - I remarried him.
The rollercoaster has begun again after 1.5 years of marriage. He refuses to let me work outside of our house and if I have an interview for a job, he manages to keep me from going. I am very limited as to when and if I can see or talk to any members of my family.
He does not keep a job for very long. In 1.5 years he has had 7 jobs and was on worker's compensation for 4.5 months. I have lost my vehicle, job, and most of the stuff that I had when we got married. He is like a little child. Checks on me constantly, asks where I have been, and etc. Calls. He was driving truck and insisted that I go with him everyday. Everynight it is about the same: are you wanting a divorce; are you going to leave; you deserve better; and you are so smart, why are you with me. I continuously tell him that no, I don't want to leave, I am not in the process of packing or threatening or anything. I have been trying to encourage him to do better. But the last few days it has hit that I am sick to death of this. I have began to treat him the way that he treats me and he does not like it at all!
My WHOLE family is worried to death about me and they are afraid that he is physically hurting me. It is not physical.
I took the checklist and almost all of the mental is on there.
Help. It is sick, I do love him and am drawn to him like a moth to the flame. I have told my folks that I am wanting to make sure that I do not want to come back before I go and they think that I have lost my mind on this.
But, if I leave, I know that I do not want to come back. I did tell him this last night after the ususal nightly round and gee, now HE wants us to get counseling. He never wanted to go before. I have done all of the changing. He is back to his old habits.
It sounds worse than it is, I think. Am I crazy for making sure that this is what I want to do, leave or stay. I have begun second guessing myself.
Please help me with this.

Hi Creative, welcome!
No, you're not crazy at all for trying to determine whether or not this is the right idea, but IMO, there's no question of the path.
I see the one thing you're worried about is becoming weak and letting him get back in a third time.
CL-Blueliner4
You have already given this guy a second chance. And he did it again. You deserve to have time to yourself & be allowed to make your own choices. What you decide to do is up to you, but from what you said it sounds like this guy just doesn't want to lose you.
Listen to what he said: you deserve better.