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R-E-S-P-E-C-T
| Wed, 10-11-2006 - 8:54pm |
Has anyone else noticed after getting out from under abuse (or even just noticing while in it) how many people surrounding them are also abusers? Abuse began in my life many years ago, way back when I was a kid - but I don't want to go back that far. I am talking NOW that I have "friends" who have been disrespecting me. Maybe because they weren't my significant other, I didn't really notice their words or were as hurt by them.. . . but I feel like I am surrounded by abusive guys. There are a couple of MARRIED guys who have been preying on me and I was only talking to them because I thought they were my "friends" but now I am seeing how they truly are without the fog of my abuser in my life. It is amazing. One of them is totally into the crazy-making/gaslighting techniques and the other has always been good at making me second guess myself. I was starting to feel better about myself - stronger. and now I have these guys basically telling me that I am crazy and that I am being weird. (?) WHAT GIVES? Surely there is a decent man out there who would just be happy for me and support me - without using it as a way to get on me. I turned these guys down and I got ANGER and ABUSIVE WORDS. How am I going to ever get respect? I guess they were being supportive during my relationship in the hopes that they would eventually get something out of it. This is insane!

Yeah - Abusers are everywhere. They really hide themselves well eh? But sometimes their bad qualities shine through and us knowing what it is like can spot them a mile away. I have a few friends that I am concerned about. I know that one guy is abusive and another I am not sure but kind of suspect. It was weird.. I never thought they were until I started to learn about my abuser once I got out. It was just like a light bulb that came on.... They really are everywhere and all around us at work or school or family friends or relatives.. it is scary.
Lauren
Hi hon,
I've been reading your posts for a while, and I absolutely understand what you mean.
Blueliner4
(aka The Pixie Princess)
It's not going to be easy.
Blueliner4
(aka The Pixie Princess)
happy. He would tell me that if I got a boob job, that I would be "really hot" then. And he was always into looking at the sexiest women on tv. all men look, but his was done in a very hurtful way. I can't understand why I put up with that. I tried harder. And I tried in any way i could to be fair, but he just drained me so much - I can't explain it. I was exhausted. Then he yelled at me and called me lazy because I couldn't handle my own schedule and trying to please him, too. I found some interesting websites today about verbal abuse and it was saying that the victim in the relationship is just as bad as the abuser. And that both persons have no self-respect. That has bothered me, too. I will take however long I need to - I had a history with this guy and for some reason I always caved in when he wanted me back. But I can't forsee myself allowing someone to walk all over me again like this guy did. I am hurt and my self-esteem is bruised pretty badly, but I don't tend to get lonely too much. I have pets that I love dearly and they keep me company. :-} I just hope that I don't appear "broken" to the world. I often wonder if guys can pick up on things. If a decent guy would ask me out tomorrow, I am afraid i would ruin it just by being me.
"If a decent guy would ask me out tomorrow, I am afraid i would ruin it just by being me."
And this is exactly why I said it takes time.
Blueliner4
(aka The Pixie Princess)