Repost from another board for Myrinalyn

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Repost from another board for Myrinalyn
3
Wed, 01-26-2005 - 6:16pm

Hi ~ I'm cl-2nd_life from the Problem Solving for Couples board. I have a poster on my board who is having some problems in her relationship that I think scream abuse. She feels her boyfriend's behavior is her fault and that through counseling and changing herself she can change how he acts, reacts and treats her. Her post is quite long. I'll provide the initial post so you have the benefit of the full story: Should I move out? , but I'm going to paste the first response she gave us today below. Please follow it up by reading what she had to say to those of us who replied to it, I think they're important. Know that I am posting this here with her permission, she'll be checking to see what you all think. **Special thanks to cl-Blueliner for having come over to respond**




Thanks for putting things so simple because I can't seem to focus very well on anything right now.




1)Yes, my boyfriend throws things and puts holes in the walls. He has broke 4 telephones, 5 remote contols, 1 VCR, 1 dog kennel, 1 piano keyboard thing (whatever you call it), and there are probably over 40 holes through out the house where he has thrown whatever he can get his hands on or punched holes with his fist. In his only defense, I will say that he was once a pitcher and he has always thrown things out of frustration in his past. He has gotten in my face but not at close range saying that his anger is all of my fault. The only thing that he has thrown at me is a bible. When he was drunk, he has pushed my against the wall and the picture above my head broke and glass fell in my head. Another time when he was drunk, he pushed me against the wall so hard I broke through the sheet rock. There is now a poster covering the big hole now.




2) Yes, my ex-husband, my ex-fiance before him, and my current boyfriend are very similiar because they do get so angry. They get angry at my mistrust, my questioning, my dilousions, my making someone feel like complete crap all of the time because I don't believe anything they say or do. I ask so many times and in so many different ways that they feel that I am a complete nag. There is something wrong within me that may need too much that any single human being can come close to giving. I am the common person in all of these relationships. I know that I am too needy and insecure. I need help too because I have never lived alone.




3) Yes, I do have an appointment with a therapist that I have seen off and on for 4 1/2 years. It will be the second time for my boyfriend and I to go tomorrow. He is a Family Therapist that has worked with abuse too.




4) I will need to read the articles again when I have more time to focus and think. I do appreciate them and I will read them.




Currently my boyfriend has had a complete shut down regarding me. He no longer wants to apologize for his reaction of how I make him feel inside. He said that he has never done anything wrong as far as cheating and goes out of his way for me time and time again and that it is never good enough. He is correct in this and I must agree with him. I do ask questions that make him feel so crappy about himself that he thinks I must think that he is the most terrible person on this planet and should be locked up somewhere. He said that I have no idea how I make him feel and he no longer wants me to ruin anymore of his days at work because he is tired of feeling so crappy about himself when all he has done is love me but it never is goon enough. He does try and I just want more and more and complete drain him. I am opening my eyes more on how I have had a part in this and all the other relationships before him that also tried so hard.




Now that everyone sees how insecure I am as well I would like to see if things change as far as the advice.




~Myrinalyn




The link to the above thread is here: Should I move out?









"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 01-26-2005 - 6:43pm

HI!

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-26-2005 - 7:06pm

Well in fact, she did respond to your post, here it is: Should I move out? , and there are several responses below it.




I'll be happy to paste that response over here, but don't want it to get too confusing for you guys over here. Let me know ~

~ cl-2nd_life


"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 01-27-2005 - 12:47pm

Hi everyone -


I know many of you don't feel like you are in any position to help anyone else out, but believe me, you are.

CL-Blueliner4