R.E.S.P.E.C.T

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2006
R.E.S.P.E.C.T
2
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 11:57pm

(EDIT- SORRY TIRED! I DIDNT NOTICED UR POSTS TITLE TIL ID CLICKED POST FOR THIS!)

Or rather the arm, was enough to get me shaking...

My bf is really acting strange..hes taking testosterone for physical stuff and hes just been such an as***** lately...

Telling me I look rediculous in my myspace pictures..calling me a dumbas$ or calling me a f$$$ing b$tch...Telling me to shut the f*@% up or. Hes clamped his hand over my mouth and my neck> He's joked about physical violence. He hurt my little dog which hurts me more than knowing he slapped my arm that hard..leaving a print for a awhile..At first he cried and said "Dont tell anyone please" and then when i rubbed my arm later on he said "Gee you sure know how to make me feel like S*&T, I already cried and said I was sorry!?"

I told him never to hurt the dog again and he laughed and said "So should I beat the sh%* out of you instead?"

I told him Ill leave. Ive even left him for three months but he always begs me to come back and never changes.

I love this man, or I did. Now I feel like I dont know him. What would you do? Hes changed so much...he cant stop taking the testosterone..thats whats helping his hormones (hormone therapy)




Edited 10/18/2006 12:04 am ET by shes_complicated
Avatar for adryl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 1:08pm

From my understanding, testosterone helps fuel aggression. This does not, however, excuse his behavior - that is totally unacceptable.

Telling you your picture on my space looks ridiculous is one way he is trying to break down your self esteem. The name calling is both verbal and emotional abuse. The jokes about physical violence are obviously not jokes - he's hurt you and your dog. And the sad thing is - based on what you've posted, this is headed from bad to worse.

You told him you'll leave, but I'm sensing from your post that you're still there? You've left him before, but he begs you to come back, and he never changes. What you're experiencing here is the abusive cycle, and the only way to break that cycle is either for him to change (only a 1% success rate), or you to leave, sever ties, and NOT come back.

While part of you remembers loving this man, the other part of you feels you don't even know him. If all of this behavior is truly the result of the hormone therapy, then he needs to discuss the side effects with his doctor in order to seek alternative treatment. However, this is something HE must do. If he doesn't see the problem, or isn't willing to seek help, then your alternatives are to either continue to stay (keeping yourself and your dog in danger) or to leave. I'd recommend the latter. If you aren't ready for that yet, please just take care of yourself.

We're here for you now, when you decide to leave, and when you're recovering from this relationship.

adryl

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 1:34pm

Hi Shes_Complicated :o)

I see some red flags in your post and I do not think that they will improve.

I don't know if your BF is on Steroids or what??... but I have heard a lot about Roid Rage and maybe that is what is going on. This is not an excuse for how he is treating you. Steroids might increase the rage, but if someone is abusive, he is abusive and drugs, alcohol or anything doesn't cause the abuse.

It is not right for him to call you a duma$$ or stupid or a Bitch or you shut the F up! I consider this to be abuse. Him clamping his hand over your mouth and neck I would say is physical abuse. Maybe he was joking, but that doesn't mean that one day it won't happen. He also jokes about physical violence which does concern me. He hurt your dog!! That is not right. He could hurt you the same way he hurt your dog!!

"Dont tell anyone please" and then when i rubbed my arm later on he said "Gee you sure know how to make me feel like S*&T, I already cried and said I was sorry!?"

** Crying and saying your sorry does not take back the things that he did and said!! That is what I dealt with with my abuser.. the I'm sorry and crying all the time. I hate that he said Gee you sure know how to make me feel like Sh*t!! Well how did he make you feel?? He is sooo selfish and he is not thinking about your feelings at all. He thinks that what he did you is right.. not wrong. He doesn't think anything of him swearing at you, hitting you, or hurting you dog. But it is wrong, very wrong and it is abuse.

"I told him Ill leave. Ive even left him for three months but he always begs me to come back and never changes." **He will keep begging you and begging you to come back. He knows what he has to do. He knows how you act and he knows that if he says sorry and that he will change that you will come back to him. They only way to stop him acting like this is to actually end the relationship with him. There is a 1% chance of him changing. Which would take years and years or therapy.. not days or months like he might say.

Good Luck and keep posting as much as you like. Go with your gut feeling. It is telling you things for a reason.

Lauren

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