Results of Abusive List Checklist

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Results of Abusive List Checklist
5
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 11:36am
I just looked over the checklist thing and I counted 29. It says if over 7 you should get help. I don't know what to do. Last night was the first violent thing he's done. But I am scared. Someone please help me. I'm shaking again and crying at my desk.
Avatar for smoothone2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 11:42am
Hi Welcome to the boards1 Iam glad you found us :-)What happened last night? if you feel you are in danger please call the national Dv hotline the number is located on the front page of this board. Please keep posting let us know what we can do to help. I am praying for your safety
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 11:51am
He held me down while he did sexual things to me. I was fighting as hard as I could, but he's in martial arts and knew how to pin me. I didn't even get any bruises. I kept saying no. It wasn't a joke. I was so scared. When he was done I sat there shaking and crying and he just looked bored and told me that my crying was annoying. This is so out of character for him. I've gotten used to him saying rude things, I've learned how to handle it, but I have never felt so belittled, disrespected, and unloved as last night. This morning he just acted as though nothing happened, not even extra nice to make up for anything, just everything is normal and we're happy kind of attitude. I want to just forget it happened. It's just through reading the list that I realized how bad it's gotten. I block so much of the verbal and emotional stuff out. But he's big, he's strong, and he's well trained. I can't help but think he could hurt or kill me any time he wants. I never had that thought before last night.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 1:24pm

Hi Sweetie -


What he did is rape.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2004
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 2:33pm
I hate to say this, but once is enough, even if you right now you do not feel like you've hit your breaking point, trust me, it only gets worse. That is one absolute that you can count on, is that it will get worse.

Do not let this incident blow over. You can try to talk about it, but really, men who act this way will find a way to justify the behavior. Just start plotting your escape now, and just leave.

I know it is cliche, but love is not suppose to hurt. A partner should never ever ever make their partner feel this way.

I do not care if the rest of your relationship is perfect. It was all leading up to this one incident, and he is banking on you overlooking this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 5:15pm
Hey Everyone,

Thank you so much for your support. I've spoken to a teacher at school that used to be a counselor, he agrees with all of you in that even if I try to make things work one more time, I need to realize in my head that this relationship is probably over, and is dangerous. He's given me a whole bunch of phone numbers. I'm getting together a plan to get out if I need to. In the meantime, I've told my husband that I'm going to counseling, and that if he ever does something like this again I'm gone. He kind of blew it off like he couldn't believe I thought it was a big deal, but promised it wouldn't happen again. I know how little that promise is worth, but at the least it's buying me a little time to get a plan and get things in order. Although I agree that I could go to the police, and that he deserves to be turned in, I've done some research and my state is one of the hardest states to get a conviction against a husband. Also, I don't have much evidence so it would just be my word against his. If it happens again, I'll call the police as soon as I get somewhere safe so they have a better case. If it doesn't happen again, I'm one of the very very few lucky ones. Once again, Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You guys have been wonderful.