No, no, no. Have more faith. It's Avery's birthday this weekend & she'll be very busy & she also metioned she is returning to work. Her Uncle Uncle & Auntie are there at the moment too. She has an RO out & has packed his things, she is locked & loaded into this. We all have our benchmark where we have had enough & she's found her's. Besides I'm sure she's terrified if she ever did go back I'd swim over & give her a well earened spanking. She's come too far to undo all her hard work.
I'm very tired, I have slept very badly after my shift & I've been off the meds for a few days. I haven't been to the doctor for a a new perscription & my head is starting to swim. We do have free health care here. It's a wonderful system, the best, but doctors who what we call 'Bulk Bill' ie charge the grovenment & not the patient, are closed on the weekend & the only ones open are the ones who charge full rate & then extra for the weekend so I'll wait until tomorrow.
Still here, still strong! Still forging along. I am trying to pack in as many work hours this weekend while i have round the clock child care .... my nite case is cash that STBX cant see or get 1/2 of! But i am BURNT out ... got there tonite & the daughter sent me home to SLEEP ... so what am i doing? lol On line. But i have worked Thurs 8p-8a, Fri 3p-12a at the hospital & then 12a - 8a at the home care, then Sat 3p- 12a at the hospital .... & got the nite off from home care. Then Sun will do 3p-12a at the hospital & then 12a - 8a again. Yikes! The overnites w/ the home care USED to be pretty much asleep overnites, so that was GREAT! but the pt isnt doing well at all, its near the end ... so I am up most of the time. Its sorta like having a newborn again - asleep 45 minutes, up for 20m minutes to care for him. But i want to make the $ while i can ... its not often a good case, w/ good cash money, comes up. I have been able to sock away quite a nice nest egg for myself the past couple months.
Anyway, so b/w Ave's bday (i have to give you a photo link) & my family here & work ... not much computer time. Plus work at the L&D unit has been CRAZY! I dont know WHAT went on 9 months ago that everyone thinks THIS is the weekend to have their babies ... lol.
The only "word" from STBX is inklings from his sibs ... apparently, & i quote, his sister "I spoke w/ him today and he said he was surprised that john said you were filing for divorce as he thought he had a glimmer of hope and is scheduled for anger management classes and couseling. So, if it's not true, that's what John has told him. I told him I did not know, but not to give up on getting well."
I wont lie. I did feel a pang of "Sorryness"??? for him? That he really did probably think there was a glimmer of hope - & he probably WOULD do what he needed to for a while ... but then it would all turn to sh*t again ... & i could just see him months down the road, taunting me "Why dont you just run & get a restraining order again" ... I am NOT giving him that chance. - I probably shoudlnt have, but i wrote this back to her (this is the only "normal" sib out of all 5 of his sibs, she is Ave's Godmother & i love her. She has seen how he is & has said to me many times "I dont know how you put up with it": **************************************************************************************** "Hi - yes, that is what i told J. I also, when asked by FIL the other day, told him that was my plan as well. He told me that he called M then & told him. Ed also told him at some point that it was very likely.
Im sorry. I truly am. I am sad for what could have been & really maybe never was. If he hadn't been such a wonderful Dad to Averey all this time, i likely couldnt have stayed so long. I kept having the hope that things would get better & stay better. He said he wasnt happy, he hated me, etc. Maybe they were just words, but over & over, over the years, on top of all the horrible things to & about me he said, & the threats to me - i had no choice but to DO something.
5 times in the past 2 years i have had to take Averey & leave our home, b/c i was physically threatened & afraid of what he may have done to me in a rage. That just cannot be. & b/c of that, there IS no going back for me.
No matter HOW much counseling, therapy, meds, my begging, my threatening that i couldnt live like that much longer ... nothing seemed to make him appreaciate what he had. I tried, so hard - & in so many ways to make him SEE. But once it started affecting Averey, & he involved her in it, i couldnt let it go on. She cannot grow up seeing her mother verbally & emotionally abused, & physically theatened & called horrible names. She cannot listen to her father tell her the things he does about me, which are lies. It would break ALL out hearts if Averey grew up to marry someone who treated her like her father treats her mother. Its an awful thing to be afraid of your own husband ... i just couldnt do it anymore. I really started to feel very much in danger, as well as that there was no hope of us ever being able to get along.
M has so much good in him, I truly pray that he can find out what he needs to do to get rid of the anger & the irresponsibility, so he can be who he really has the capacity to be. Otherwise, the booze, the anger, the rage - it will eat him up - & he wont ever truly enjoy the greatest gift he has, Averey. She loves him SO much, & he has so much to live for in her. I hope, for his sake, but mostly for Averey's, that he can pull it together b/c she NEEDS her Daddy. She misses him & she adores him. But she understands that what was happening, wasnt right. In her own words & in her own little thoughts, without any promting from me. She is too smart a kid that any of that passed by her.
You can share whatever of this you feel is appropriate with him - there is a restraining order, so there is no contact either way. & no 3rd party contact. So i am not asking you or telling you to share it - its up to you.
Thank you for your prayers, Ave & i are ok. I hope we are ALL ok. Will talk with you soon, i hope. xo (end of response to SIL) ******************************************************************************************
Ave has been ok. A bit sad here & there, sad not to see him or talk to him, but we do talk about him every day, i put him in a positive lite to her (he deserves SO much less) & she is doing as well as to be expected. She happily met w/ the DV childs therapist, at HER OWN request last Thurs, & will see her again this week. I ddint ask her what they talked about for an HOUR! & she didnt volunteer ... & i AM dying to know. lol But if it makes her feel good, all the more power to her.
I knew you wouldn't cave!!! Good Girl! I have to admit though that I too was a little concerned over the weekend when you weren't on the boards!!! Good to hear from you and glad to hear Avery is doing good despite the situation!!
No, no, no. Have more faith. It's Avery's birthday this weekend & she'll be very busy & she also metioned she is returning to work. Her Uncle Uncle & Auntie are there at the moment too. She has an RO out & has packed his things, she is locked & loaded into this. We all have our benchmark where we have had enough & she's found her's. Besides I'm sure she's terrified if she ever did go back I'd swim over & give her a well earened spanking. She's come too far to undo all her hard work.
I'm very tired, I have slept very badly after my shift & I've been off the meds for a few days. I haven't been to the doctor for a a new perscription & my head is starting to swim. We do have free health care here. It's a wonderful system, the best, but doctors who what we call 'Bulk Bill' ie charge the grovenment & not the patient, are closed on the weekend & the only ones open are the ones who charge full rate & then extra for the weekend so I'll wait until tomorrow.
Love Katie Bear xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Still here, still strong! Still forging along. I am trying to pack in as many work hours this weekend while i have round the clock child care .... my nite case is cash that STBX cant see or get 1/2 of! But i am BURNT out ... got there tonite & the daughter sent me home to SLEEP ... so what am i doing? lol On line. But i have worked Thurs 8p-8a, Fri 3p-12a at the hospital & then 12a - 8a at the home care, then Sat 3p- 12a at the hospital .... & got the nite off from home care. Then Sun will do 3p-12a at the hospital & then 12a - 8a again. Yikes! The overnites w/ the home care USED to be pretty much asleep overnites, so that was GREAT! but the pt isnt doing well at all, its near the end ... so I am up most of the time. Its sorta like having a newborn again - asleep 45 minutes, up for 20m minutes to care for him. But i want to make the $ while i can ... its not often a good case, w/ good cash money, comes up. I have been able to sock away quite a nice nest egg for myself the past couple months.
Anyway, so b/w Ave's bday (i have to give you a photo link) & my family here & work ... not much computer time. Plus work at the L&D unit has been CRAZY! I dont know WHAT went on 9 months ago that everyone thinks THIS is the weekend to have their babies ... lol.
The only "word" from STBX is inklings from his sibs ... apparently, & i quote, his sister "I spoke w/ him today and he said he was surprised that john said you were filing for divorce as he thought he had a glimmer of hope and is scheduled for anger management classes and couseling. So, if it's not true, that's what John has told him. I told him I did not know, but not to give up on getting well."
I wont lie. I did feel a pang of "Sorryness"??? for him? That he really did probably think there was a glimmer of hope - & he probably WOULD do what he needed to for a while ... but then it would all turn to sh*t again ... & i could just see him months down the road, taunting me "Why dont you just run & get a restraining order again" ... I am NOT giving him that chance. - I probably shoudlnt have, but i wrote this back to her (this is the only "normal" sib out of all 5 of his sibs, she is Ave's Godmother & i love her. She has seen how he is & has said to me many times "I dont know how you put up with it":
****************************************************************************************
"Hi - yes, that is what i told J. I also, when asked by FIL the other day, told him that was my plan as well. He told me that he called M then & told him. Ed also told him at some point that it was very likely.
Im sorry. I truly am. I am sad for what could have been & really maybe never was. If he hadn't been such a wonderful Dad to Averey all this time, i likely couldnt have stayed so long. I kept having the hope that things would get better & stay better. He said he wasnt happy, he hated me, etc. Maybe they were just words, but over & over, over the years, on top of all the horrible things to & about me he said, & the threats to me - i had no choice but to DO something.
5 times in the past 2 years i have had to take Averey & leave our home, b/c i was physically threatened & afraid of what he may have done to me in a rage. That just cannot be. & b/c of that, there IS no going back for me.
No matter HOW much counseling, therapy, meds, my begging, my threatening that i couldnt live like that much longer ... nothing seemed to make him appreaciate what he had. I tried, so hard - & in so many ways to make him SEE. But once it started affecting Averey, & he involved her in it, i couldnt let it go on. She cannot grow up seeing her mother verbally & emotionally abused, & physically theatened & called horrible names. She cannot listen to her father tell her the things he does about me, which are lies. It would break ALL out hearts if Averey grew up to marry someone who treated her like her father treats her mother. Its an awful thing to be afraid of your own husband ... i just couldnt do it anymore. I really started to feel very much in danger, as well as that there was no hope of us ever being able to get along.
M has so much good in him, I truly pray that he can find out what he needs to do to get rid of the anger & the irresponsibility, so he can be who he really has the capacity to be. Otherwise, the booze, the anger, the rage - it will eat him up - & he wont ever truly enjoy the greatest gift he has, Averey. She loves him SO much, & he has so much to live for in her. I hope, for his sake, but mostly for Averey's, that he can pull it together b/c she NEEDS her Daddy. She misses him & she adores him. But she understands that what was happening, wasnt right. In her own words & in her own little thoughts, without any promting from me. She is too smart a kid that any of that passed by her.
You can share whatever of this you feel is appropriate with him - there is a restraining order, so there is no contact either way. & no 3rd party contact. So i am not asking you or telling you to share it - its up to you.
Thank you for your prayers, Ave & i are ok. I hope we are ALL ok. Will talk with you soon, i hope. xo (end of response to SIL)
******************************************************************************************
Ave has been ok. A bit sad here & there, sad not to see him or talk to him, but we do talk about him every day, i put him in a positive lite to her (he deserves SO much less) & she is doing as well as to be expected. She happily met w/ the DV childs therapist, at HER OWN request last Thurs, & will see her again this week. I ddint ask her what they talked about for an HOUR! & she didnt volunteer ... & i AM dying to know. lol But if it makes her feel good, all the more power to her.
ANyway, thanks for looking for me! R~
Ha!!!!!!!!!!! That's my girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Look out for a discussion I'm going to start. It will be really funny if we all put our 2 cents in.
Love Katie Bear XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I knew you wouldn't cave!!! Good Girl! I have to admit though that I too was a little concerned over the weekend when you weren't on the boards!!! Good to hear from you and glad to hear Avery is doing good despite the situation!!
Take care of yourselves!