Round....5?...6?...I forget
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| Thu, 05-12-2005 - 11:59pm |
I had a very chaotic day yesterday and just want to let some of the tension out. I was visibly shaken while at work that even someone asked me in the hall if everything was ok.
I posted recently that AHL had emailed me with some snide comment about how I am not the only one with feelings. First, I should feint in shock because he even alleged that I had feelings at all. But anyway, he sent yet another email. His lawyer was contacted yet again about him NOT doing that. But nothing really happens over it.
The email only started the morning, because then I received a call from the personnel department to come and see them right away. I will remind that my work has barred him from the premises as well as from getting hired there. He worked there on a temp contract for 2 years out of the 4 I have been working there. His contract was ended and he took off to the US in a huff, threatening to never come back to me. I filed for divorce while he was gone, which started this whole thing. My work barred him because of some threatening statements he made to the security there before leaving, and supported by the restraining order and court session minutes.
I went up to their office with a feeling of dread. He had already harrassed them in the past about giving him MY employee benefits such as health insurance and parts of my separation grant, to which he was told he was not entitled. The judge had urged me STRONGLY to settle the divorce quickly and the end product was a 50%/50% fault, no benefits to either party, he pays me 1100, and the paragraph in the restraining order barring him from my work was to be removed. For peace, I accepted, being reassured that the private bar put on him by my work was independent of the restraining order and that 50/50 was generally a peace treaty not saying anything about who was at fault at all. The original plan was for 100 at fault for him, but courts here are very reluctant to give it without lengthy proceedings which could take a year or 2.
Sure enough, AHL sent the update of the restraining order to my work saying they could not bar him from working there anymore, and he wants a job. He then went on to say that because the judge felt I was lying in court, he ordered that I was 50% at fault. THIS WAS SOOOOOO NOT TRUE!!! The restraining order outlines all of the faults, which were all his, and that was upheld! Nobody ever said I was at fault for anything! Nobody even questioned my honesty, probably because I had actual evidence in much of the case, as well as witnesses. The 50/50 was nothing but a way to get out with no further arguement and to assure my pension and paycheck are untouchable.
I knew AHL was such an AHL that he would try to use that 50 against me. He so wants to put as much blame as possible on anyone else but himself. I then, quite livid, went on to tell the kind ladies in personnel that I was disgusted with his even attempting to use legal text to argue why he should be given work there, since he has actually did anything but follow the legal text. I have court ORDERS for him to pay me 1100, it never came. ORDERS to pay child support, it never came. ORDERS to not contact me, it doesn't stop him. ORDERS saying he is not entitled to remove all of the cash assets from the accounts, it didn't stop him. He broke every one of those orders. HE IS SUCH AN AHL HYPOCRIT!!! And how dare he say I was found to be lying in court! He is trying to say that nothing ever happened?!! To take only ONE dramatic example, I cannot even soften or downplay the broken rib incident! How would I soften it?! 'Oh, yes, he came into the house in anger and slammed me over the table, breaking my ribs, but really I provoked him. I shouldn't have let him jump out of the car without a shirt on in winter. I should have gotten down on my hands and knees and begged that he not walk home in the cold. I should not have allowed him to get so drunk as to get angry because I was making him sick at his stomach with my aweful driving at midnight. I should not have cried and told him to stop yelling at me, that I am driving the best I can. It could have all been avoided if I had done all of those things. What could the guy do but put me in my place?'
I am hoping that the Lord will help me find some way to let this all go one day, because it is consumes me with so much resent and frustration. I don't like this dark and gloomy place I have found myself in.

Pardon me, it's been a LOOOOOOOONG day, but bloody hell!
CL-Blueliner4
Hi there,
You've got to strip that demon from your mind. Let him jump up and down and throw his little hissy fits. He will always feel entitled. You are never going to change that part. The personnel office doesn't have to hire him. Getting hired for a job is a privilege. He can no more demand them to hire him than he can take your benefits. The courts already made that decision. Let them know that.
He is going to do whatever he can to get to you. It's hard, but he is no longer in control, remember that. It took a long time for me to get old Wendell out of my mind. One thing I did was everytime he came into my mind I would force myself to think of something else. Weird, because now I can't even remember what it was! That's because I rarely think of him. So, apparently the exercise worked.
Terry
Problem with executing an order given here is that he is in another country. The personnel department said they would still not hire him and that a removal of the paragraph from the orignal restraining order had no effect on their barring him from the premises. What a relief, because that would be asking for a disaster. I would be too close for him to not do something eventually. That is good advice to put him out of my head, and I really try. It is just so difficult in the middle of this mess. Digressing again, I did puzzle over why he wants to have a job at my work soooo badly. To stay near his son? It just didn't fit. He never felt that way before. He even said he was going to abandone us. From a previous post I mentioned that I thought he had a girl friend and had been cheating on me for the last year or so. But then I thought, if a guy had a girlfriend in Europe and wanted to stick around for the relationship, he would need a way to stay in Europe. He would also need a good job to show off how much money he has. Even 100k doesn't last forever (the money stolen from our accounts). Jobs are extremely difficult to get in Europe. The most logical place to look would be my work, since this guy had a job there before. So, I will speculate that he is trying to stay for someone else and not for my son.
Ok, I know it doesn't help to try and figure him out. I will work on trying to replace that thought.
On the job thing, I don't think it's for someone else.
CL-Blueliner4
That he wants to watch me is a view I had not considered. It is a bit chilling though. It would mean if I ever did have a relationship in the future, quite possibly someone from work, his working there would mean he would find out and see it himself. That would definitely make him explode. I already figured out he wanted to get me fired because of his frequent contact with my personnel department. He has been trying to convince them that I am bullying him, ruining his life, and completely lying about the situation. He has also contacted several people at work with the intention of bad mouthing me to them. I figured this out because those people told me so. So far that would be seven different individuals. An additional 5 I can guess he has already bad mouthed me to. And then of course personnel. Fortunately I don't think anyone is buying it. Although one guy he was friends with avoids me now days, even when I say hi. Guess that is his problem if he passes judgement based on misinformation. Two other friends of AHL actually approached me at lunch and asked quite directly what was going on? One of them admitted that AHL had called him recently. I said 'hope he didn't say anything bad about me'. He said 'what do you think?' and laughed. He then asked what was the cause of the divorce. I said 'ok, no secrets, he was violent and cruel.' The two guys nodded and said they definitely believe it. Apparently they had noticed it themselves.