safe and sound

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
safe and sound
Sun, 08-12-2012 - 10:31pm

All I wanted when I was in my abusive marriage was to be safe and sound.  I use to imagine a little house where me and my son where and we would feel completely and totally safe like you feel like when your sitting in a cabin in front of a roaring fire place in a beautiful log cabin in the middle of the woods toasty and warm like that feeling me and my son together.  Well I've been seperated for five years now and my son and I live in a beautiful townhouse but the safe and sound feeling has eluded me.  I usually go to sleep terrified every night and live in fear most of the day the world just seems so big and scarry with noone to lead me through it.  I feel alone especially when my son's at his fathers the man who took everything from me my son 50% of the time, my home, most of my friends, my church, half my family, my dignity, my respect, my pride, my feeling like I'm somebody now i'm left feeling like a nobody, crushed and heartbroken,  I walk around with half a heart the half he ripped out ill never get back.  I feel like i'll never heal.  I see strange scarry men and i feel afraid of them.  I did get a huge dog and alarm system that helps.   I'm a Christian and pray and that helps.  How do you ever feel safe again?  Please someone help me?

Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to:
Mon, 08-13-2012 - 12:11am

I assume it is different for everyone but for me when my abuser went to jail (not for what he did to me or my children) was when I first felt safe. He is the only one I ever really feared. Yes I worry about others but mainly it was him. He is out of jail now but lives in another state about 1300 miles away.

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Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
In reply to:
Mon, 08-13-2012 - 10:37am

Good morning Greta and welcome to the board.  You don't mention in your post if you have sought help from your local dv agency/shelter or not.  That is a good starting point for accessing the help and support that you need.  So often, when we leave an abusive situation we try to "do it on our own" and in doing so, end up with the feelings that you are expressing.  For what it's worth, many of us here suffer the effects of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and that could very well be what you are dealing with right now.  Prayer is a great comfort, but God often puts tools in our path to help us put "legs under our prayers".  These tools come in the form of counseling, support groups, and access to local dv agencies.  When we leave an abuser, it is quite often a devastating event in that we do lose everything, but what we have to keep foremost in our minds is that most of it is just things, which can be replaced.  What we have gained, however, far outweighs the losses.  Once we have left an abuser and begin our journey to healing, we gain so much back, most especially our SELF.  We begin to reform boundaries, expectations and so much more.  It's basically reclaiming our own power to have our lives go the way that we would have them go now that we are out from under the shadow of abuse.  I've been free from the abuser in our lives since 11/14/99, almost 13 years now and he died exactly 8 years to the day after I had him arrested and hauled off.  That was the day I felt well and truly free, but funny thing was, I didn't even realize it.  We get so used to being hypervigilant, always on guard, and waiting for the other shoe to drop, we don't even realize the weight of that load anymore because we're so accustomed to it.  The day the abuser's mother called to tell me he died, it was like a thousand lb. weight that I didn't even know was on my shoulders was gone - POOF!  My hope is that you will reach out for the domestic abuse agency in your area and talk to them about both individual counseling and support group.  Even though being with others in a group doesn't fix your concerns, it does help to lighten the load because you know there are others who are in the same situation and that if you choose to talk to them, they will understand the confusion, fear, anger and frustration that you are feeling.  Please check out this option and see how it's going for you.  YOu might also want to talk with your physician about any possible underlying conditions such as depression, anxiety disorder or to rule out any physical reasons why you may be feeling the way that you do.  We're always here for you and will always respect your decisions.  After all, it's all about EMPOWERMENT, and only you can give yourself that gift.  Only you can make the choices that are right for you and your child.  My prayer for you is peace.  Keep us posted and let us hear from you even when things are good.  When we don't hear from a new member for a while, we get concerned. 

Mama Harmony