Says he has a tumor
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Says he has a tumor
| Sat, 07-10-2004 - 1:34am |
Went to pick up my pay check at the house tonight. (After next week, that will be the last one delivered there.) Anyway, we haven't been in touch all week. It's been great on my part. I have felt very positive all week. Then I go there tonight. He tells me, after taking his physical, he got a letter that he needs to follow up with his doctor. I saw the letter. It says he needs to follow-up and get more x-rays because a 1.5 cm density was found on his one lung (and another big word that I forget). He claims he called the doctor and the doctor already compared his old x-rays with the new one and he has (in his words) a tumor. He's an old smoker and started again. He has had lung problems before. He says he's not calling the doctor. He just needs to live another four years to get DD through high school. I told him he needs to call his doctor but I can't force him. My problem is he stretches stories, he lies a lot, and I don't know how accurate any of this is. Bottom line, it doesn't matter. I think he's doing this so maybe I'll come back. I just feel very cold and callous. I care about his health for my DD's sake but that's it. Is he looking for sympathy? I'm just scared of the guilt I feel if all of this is true. The guilt I have for being so insensitive. I don't want the man to have anything wrong with him; I just don't want to live with him!!! Then I'm afraid he'll tell DD about it and then she'll think I'm cold and callous for not caring. He said maybe he'll just die and I can have everything and it will make my life easier. I can't find out any information because of these stupid HEPA laws or whatever they are. I told him he needs to go to the doctor for piece of mind. He said he has piece of mind and asked if I needed piece of mind. I told him "no" and left. Then I came home and scrubbed the kitchen cabinets thinking I have brand new ones in my house and in my kitchen that I designed and everything is new and I'm scrubbing these stupid cabinets in this rental apartment and I should have never left. I should have made him leave. I could have bought a good riding lawn mower to cut the grass on what I'm paying out in rent. That was my big thing; that I would never be able to take care of the property. I feel sorry for him; he's basically pathetic. He lies. He said he hadn't driven his new truck in weeks. He rode past my apartment two nights ago in it. I guess he was checking to see if I was home. I saw him; he didn't see me. He needs help and I cry because I feel sorry for him.
Then he asked if we're filing for separation or divorce. I said "what's the rush?" He didn't answer. I need health insurance....bottom line. I can't afford it on my own. That's the only reason why I'm not rushing into things. I'm beginning to think I don't even need health insurance. I'll just wing it.
Is this anything new? They come upon this illness of whatever sort to make you feel guilty even more?
Happy

Happy, FYI we have seen this before.
While he may indeed have a small tumor needing biopsy, there is a very good possibility it can be treated.
CL-Blueliner4
Just a word of caution for you: My friend had a boyfriend that was a psycho to say the least. He got caught cheating, but knew she wouldn't break up with him (and she didn't). But to gain sympathy, he manufactured a story about a child he fathered when he was 16, that was in an orphanage because the mother had recently been killed, etc., he had a letter on a orphanage letterhead talking about the child. My friend got sucked in, wanted to bring the boy home and they would raise him. Well, because there was no child, he manufactured another orphanage letter about how the poor child CHOKED ON A LEGO AND DIED!
this is how sick this SOB was. he caused my friend to grieve for a nonexistent child, and she stayed with him through his "loss". This isn't to say your husband doesn't have a tumor, but I'd be cautious about any surprise diagnosis. As a wife, you can get copies of his medical records from his family physician. (Tell them you want his "tumor diagnosis" sent for a second opinion.)
BTW, get thee to a divorce attorney about the house. I work for a lawyer, and trust me, the wives have more power than they think. These two-bit husbands make them think possession is nine-tenths of the law, but no sir ree!
Good luck to you!!
Beth
WOW! There are psychos out there. Mine wants his gun back! Don't think so!!! It's hid and he's not getting it back! He never ever used the thing to begin with so why want it back now!!!
As far as the house, I've been thinking about that lately. I do need to see an attorney. I just have to get the money and I need to find out what my rights are. At the end of this week I'll be finished with my temp service and be hired full time with the company I work for so maybe thinks will look up.
Thanks!
Happy
Okay, wait a minute.
CL-Blueliner4
Well, HIPPA is one thing, but if you mention to the nurse, or head hog in charge about he's not dealing well with his diagnosis, they will assist you. Especially if they have no such diagnosis.
As for the legal service, I have a couple of suggestions. Call your state bar association, and ask for a pro bono domestic abuse referral. Attorneys get Bar credit for offering their services pro bono. And if there are good assets involved, (house, IRA, pension, etc.), they will jump on it. Most of the time, the Judge will award attorney fees to the Complaintant, (plaintiff) if they prove their case. You just need to be the first to file. In Arkansas, all you need is $100.00 to file with the Court.
The second suggestion is to call around for up and coming attoneys fresh out of law school. These eager beavers often will hold payment of their fee until the case is finished, knowing they have a good shot at getting paid from the Defendant.
Good luck!
Beth
Your responsibility is to take care of *your* health. It's very important because your other responsibility is to be there to support your DD through this, what ever it is, just as you will be through any crisis that arises in her life. That's what Moms do.
You can pray for your H. I know, tough one. It took me over two years before I could. But you *must* continue to protect and care for yourself and heal your soul by maintaining no contact. You had a great week and then, one encounter and it's stirred everything up again, if you know what I mean. Your daughter may need you, heal yourself, what ever it takes.
See a lawyer and learn your rights. Start to research. Around here, there's legal aid, there's duty counsel at the court house and there are some lawyers that give free consults. There are print outs available at the court house that explain every step and some of the general laws in lay terms. There's victim services available through the police department. I bet there are many untapped resources in your community. As a last resport, you could just pay for a half an hour. Have your list of questions ready so you make good use of your money.
This is also taking care of you. Your daughter will be forming her opinion of you two as separate individuals as opposed to the 'parents'. You and your daughter will have a separate relationship, separate from she and her father. The best thing you can show her is that, no matter what is going on, you love her and you will be there for her, when ever she needs you. The separation is a thing between you and your H. It has nothing to do with her. She did not cause it and she can not fix it.
Think of it as setting the example of the kind of woman you pray she grows to be. She'll be looking to you for that. You can show her that disrespect should never be tolerated, that everyone has rights and that the proper thing to do is to act in a legal and civil manner through this.(which will be close to impossible if you maintain contact with this type of guy. BTDT)
Remember, take care of you so your can take care of DD. His name should not appear *anywhere* on your list of priorities - scratch it off!
Keep looking up^, Susan.
As far as DD goes, that's another post. I'm trying to be the adult and the good mother here. It's so hard. She makes me feel like crap sometimes, the same way he does. I'm having a pity party on myself tonight. Sorry. Tomorrow is another day. His hold to me is money, though. That I figured out. I'll just go to my mother and that's that.
Thanks again to everyone for their advice. And the tumor issue hasn't been brought up again. Obviously, he must not be too concerned. I can't go there right now. I have to think of me, since I'm becoming a wreck again.