scared confused unsure

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
scared confused unsure
2
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 3:50pm
My H is a recovering addict, a chronic liar,and has always had angry outbursts throughout our marriage. He can also be manipulative (threatening suicide when things go wrong, faking illness. I have always feared speaking my mind to him , for fear that he would have a tantrum. Well last week ( after working 14 hrs a day for 10 days straight,) he had a tantrum because I came home and was too tired to spend time with him and my kids ( I was completely exhausted) he slammed doors, threw on the bedroom light and started yelling at me, telling me he was tired of my s@#$, all the while my 13 yr old was witnessing this. I have to admit I was way to exhausted to deal, and I fell asleep. Well, a few days later, we again got into a fight ( because I didnt want to get all huggie kissy and have sex with him. He flipped out, screamed and yelled, and told me I never spend time with the kids( a lie, I do) and I started yelling back(bad I know, but I had had enough.) Well he grabbed my arm and told me it's over, to get out. I told him to NEVER EVER grab me again, and that I was leaving. Well at that moment our kids came in( had been outside playing) and heard what was going on, and were begging their dad to please not make their mom leave. I did not want them to see this.
Well I went to change clothes to go in to work early to get away from this, and he came in crying and apologizing, saying it will never happen again.
I didnt leave because the kids were so upset by it(they later told me that he told them that I need some space, which I dontthink he should dicuss our problems with the kids)
DOes grabbing my arm constitute abuse? I dont know if I cna live with him and fear that things will be worse next time, but I feel like if I leave him for just grabbing my arm I 'll be overreacting. I have discussed this with some friends at work, and they tell me that they are worried that he will hurt me and I should leave.
He asked me to go to counseling, and I agreed, but HE called a preacher down the street (whom neither of us have met before) and HE met with him before letting me konw he contacted him. I think who we go to for counseling should be a joint decision. I want to leave because I fear him, but afraid I am overreacting. (I was considering leaving before this happened)
I am just so afraid to take tht step, afraid of what he will do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Sat, 07-22-2006 - 1:51pm
Welcome to the board, basnbts.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Mon, 07-24-2006 - 11:11am
Grabbing your arm is restraining you against your will, which is certainly abuse. If I were you, I would check out our website, accessible through the link at the top of the Start page. It will help you formulate an escape plan, and work through the emotions surrounding what you need to do. Guys like this are master manipulators, but there IS hope.
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