scared how he will react

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2006
scared how he will react
3
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 10:40am
Hi, it's me agin. I read some material on the resouces board and the story posted under the title "making pain into power(or something like that)" really scares me how my boyfriend will turn out when I leave him. He had always said he would let me go if I didn't want to be with him anymore, that he would not regret letting me go. Even if he says so, could he become suddenly violent when I really leave him? Are there any cases where abusers let go of their victims quietly and peacefully?
I'm more scared because I live in Seoul, South Korea. I've searched the internet but I couldn't find much support here as you have in the U.S. I'm still so happy to have some experts here I could talk to. Because Korea is still male dominant in family matters (there has been a lot of improvement but still I believe we have a long way to go), the police and counslers here don;t take the matter seriously unless there is very serious physical abuse. I could not find any practical help provided for victims of abusive relationships. Should I still try visiting a counseler? I'm worried they won't understand to pain I've gone through as well as you do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2006
Sat, 02-04-2006 - 9:40pm
finally I found a Korean site where I can seek local help. But I'll keep in touch for support and advice and tell you how I'm working my prolem out. Thanks a lot.
My bf doesn't hit me anymore after I told him it hurt. He used to hit me only on the head. Probalby so the bruises won't show. But he still verbally abuses me and seems to be always looking for something to get me upset like talking bad about my family.
He's just helping me stay strong and stick to my decision to leave him. Thank you again for all the support!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 7:48pm
I sure do hope that you have some good support in your area. I've never been to your area so do not know what it's like there, but I do hope you can find help through a counselor. Finding a counselor who is educated in and recognizes what destructive behaviors are domestic abuse isn't always easy in this country. But most do recognize that the specific behaviors and tactics of the abuser are destructive and probably would be able to help you accomplish what you need to to get out. Unfortunately, there will be some who hold the beliefs of the male dominant society and not too helpful. Hopefully you'll be able to avoid those. You mentioned fear of how he might react. Please do be preprared for anything. He is capable of violence towards you. He has already proven that. It would be best to be ready for anything. There's a lot of information about safety on the homepage which has many ways to increase your personal security. Good luck to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 8:05pm
Hang in there, Sooyon.