scared/feeling icky
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scared/feeling icky
| Tue, 07-19-2005 - 7:44am |
Hi All,
Well, I'm still living in the house with him. Our temporary hearing is Aug.10th...not soon enough. He's been going to counseling and has 'admitted' that he is an abuser. States he "loves me so much"...." we HAVE to try to make this work"...."I KNOW there is still a spark in you somehwere".....I really feel NOTHING for the man, I cringe when I"m with him, I get a pit in my stomach when I think of having to be married to him for the rest of my life. I've been hurt too much for too long. Someone said to me "if you can just find it in heart to get over this" (he didn't know the details of the abuse). He's still thinking there is a chance I will stop this legal separation, even when I tell him it will go through. Last night he told me "I don't want to put fear into you, but do you realize what is going to happen?" "We're going to lose the house" "This is not gonna be a ma and pa kettle handshake" What he doesn't realize is that I've already been to the credit union and my lending agent and I have worked out numbers....my attorney says "we'll be alright". Still, this crap scares me. At the temporary, can they (the court) tell him to leave? I truly believe I will lose my mind if I have to live with him for the next six months. Thanks for being here....again :)
A
Well, I'm still living in the house with him. Our temporary hearing is Aug.10th...not soon enough. He's been going to counseling and has 'admitted' that he is an abuser. States he "loves me so much"...." we HAVE to try to make this work"...."I KNOW there is still a spark in you somehwere".....I really feel NOTHING for the man, I cringe when I"m with him, I get a pit in my stomach when I think of having to be married to him for the rest of my life. I've been hurt too much for too long. Someone said to me "if you can just find it in heart to get over this" (he didn't know the details of the abuse). He's still thinking there is a chance I will stop this legal separation, even when I tell him it will go through. Last night he told me "I don't want to put fear into you, but do you realize what is going to happen?" "We're going to lose the house" "This is not gonna be a ma and pa kettle handshake" What he doesn't realize is that I've already been to the credit union and my lending agent and I have worked out numbers....my attorney says "we'll be alright". Still, this crap scares me. At the temporary, can they (the court) tell him to leave? I truly believe I will lose my mind if I have to live with him for the next six months. Thanks for being here....again :)
A

We have to make this work is a crock. YOU have tried to make it work. Otherwise, you would not have dealt with this for so long. Maybe HE should have tried to make it work and you would not be in the situation you are in now. My ex said the same thing, wait he still says the same thing right before he leaves visitation with my son to go home to his girlfriend.
Houses and possessions can be replaced. I lost a motorcycle, truck (both repo'd) and all of my son's furniture a month before he was born. My credit took a hit yes and I had to find another crib a couple of weeks before my son was due, but I will get over and past this and the next vehicle I get will be mine entirely and my choice. If he's lucky I may let him buy the 87 Jeep that he forced me into as he said I didn't deserve a nicer vehicle as I would just wreck it. The same Jeep I have sent half of its value trying to keep it on the road.
You will find after awhile you just want to move on and the thought of losing things doesn't matter anymore. It becomes more a matter of wanting your freedom more than anything else.
I'm new to these boards, I couldn't sleep tonight so i browsed through and read your post.
sorry about your situation, but mine is similar. my STBX (we are separating) is still living here because of money problems and the kids, and that's OK. I don't hate him, but he has problems he has to deal with. I don't know what abuse your STBX did to you, hopefully not physical (mine was not).But mine has also told me he loves me, that he wants to try again, and I believe him.But first he has to go to counseling and deal with his problems, and i have to heal. The thing is, he has not admitted that he is an abuser.
I think to admit it is a big step, but he hasn't taken it. I read in your post that you feel nothing for yours, cringe, and never want to be married to him. I have also lost that
loving feeling, but i'm confused. Is it buried under my pain, sorrow, anger and sadness
from my abuse? How do I know if it's still there? We've been together 10 years, we've
built a life, had kids. And now we might lose our house because neither one of us can afford it on our own. My STBX told me this, but it wasn't a threat. He was right. I know He wouldn't purposely hurt me (sound like yours would), but he still has alot of problems
to deal with. Oh well, at least he's agreed to go to counseling. I haven't decided if I should go to with him. I don't know if it would do any good. Well, he'll have to leave sooner or later, so we'll see what happens.Sorry if I rambled on, time for bed. thanks
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