Second chance for ex-fiancee after push?
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Second chance for ex-fiancee after push?
| Sat, 01-22-2005 - 7:09pm |
I left my fiancee six months ago after he pushed me in bar after he saw me dancing sexy with another guy. We were both very drunk at the time and we had a perfect relationship up until this point. We worked together and were best friends. This was our first 'fight'. I moved in with my brother after that and he quit his job to give me some space. He went into counselling to deal with his issues, quit drinking and started exercising, yoga and meditation to balance himself out. Recently he emailed me at work apologizing and saying he accepts full responsibility for what happened. He asked if we could work things out somehow. I'm dating another guy right now since we split, but don't feel the same about him as I do my ex-fiancee. Should I give my ex a second chance? I know abusers always say, it will never happen again. But, it seems like he's done allot to ensure it wouldn't happen again- even offering for us to go to counselling together.

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I'm still not sure. My father has said he won't talk to me and won't come to our wedding if I did go back and my friends said they would disown me too.
I'm a little distrustful of him too after this. We were best friends and he did this. If I go back and we go to counselling I would like to talk about that and analyze our past relationship. We were two emotionally dependant people, spending all our time together with almost no contact with eachother's friends. We both also drank allot too.
I have been in counselling too since this happened so couples counselling might not be necessary. I've gone between shock,anger, depression and sorrow after we broke up. I think he's trying to show me that he's changed with the offer.
Mama Harmony
Hi Bttrfly -
First off, why would you want to chance your safety and sanity on a promise?
CL-Blueliner4
I am in counselling for myself and have been since the incident where he pushed me. I know that there are allot of risks in going back to him. My counsellor has told me that it will take years of therapy for him to get better. He is aware of this and is in it for the long term he says. I guess I'm considering it because we had a perfect relationship before this happened and had allot in common. My new guy is great and fun but we just don't have the same interests. He's one of those guys who likes to watch sports, talk about sports, drink beer etc. While my ex is more like me. He's a special person and I know allot about his past and why he acted this way. He used to live with someone who is bipolar and she was very abusive to him. So I do forgive him in some ways, but haven't been able to forget what happened either.
I wonder too if it would happen again and noone was there if it would be worse. This is my fear I have.
Thanks for the tip. I will review the lists and see if he's really changed or just pretending.
If we did get back together, don't you think couples counselling would be a good idea? We would have some trust issues at least that would have to be discussed.
Couples counseling is never recommended in abuse situations.
CL-Blueliner4
Hi,
I know you all are going to be very mad at me, but I think you should give him a second chance. Even the sanest of men can lose control when influenced by alcohol and jealousy. All the measures that he has done, even before you married, show that he is commited to you and realized his mistake.
With lots of love and hugs,
Mrs. Pele Mead
"Love the Lord our God, with all your heart, all your mind and all your soul. "
With lots of love and hugs,
Mrs. Pele Mead
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