Sex Abuse, RO and XMas

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Sex Abuse, RO and XMas
21
Thu, 12-22-2005 - 4:35pm

It's been a while since I've written in, but needed to get to vent and maybe get some advice.

A couple weeks ago, my daughter told me that Daddy was still touching her even though I've been supervising the visitation. What a blow! Even when we're out to dinner he manages to get a feel in (my poor baby!!). She wouldn't admit it to the counselor, but fortunately did admit it to me. I told my attorney and we created a motion asking for emergency temporary custody orders giving me sole custody, forcing him to have supervised visitation and forcing him to get a hair follicle test. The motion included EVERYTHING: what Ashley said, what she's been doing that makes us believe it's molestation, his weird actions and his admitted drug use. This was the first time he or his attorney had ever seen all the accusations. It's the same attorney representing him for the criminal case for CPS (that's been moved to inactive because STBX won't go in to talk to them and all they have is Ashley's word). Until this time he and his family have not cared about my daughter, they thought nothing had happened and I was just accusing him to get custody. I don't know if he thinks any different now, but... At the time Ashley disclosed, I was still working on getting back together with him (I was one of those stupid ones who thought he could change).

The later the same night we finished the motion, at about 11:00 pm STBX called accusing me of going into the house and taking both of our yearbooks and his gun and he was coming over with the police to retrieve his items (he was yelling at me that I took his personal stuff). He 'knew' it was me because he had left money on the counter and it was still there. I hadn't been in the house in over a week and he walked me thru showing me what he had done so I couldn't have touched anything. He had accused me of taking those same items on a different occasion so apparently in Arizona we have a Yearbook thief who doesn't have their own gun and likes to leave money on the counter and comes back to take the same things. WARNING, WARNING. :)

He called me while I was at my lawyer's the next day and said he realized it wasn't me, but the house was a mess. I figure during one of his stupors he decided to tear up the house and didn't remember doing it.

On the same day as the temp orders were presented (the day after he called with the accusation), I applied for a order of protection. Both orders were granted by 2 different judges. His hair follicle test came back positive for cocaine. I haven't heard from him since, but still feel guilty for going for the RO since he hadn't been 'really' violent just a lot of phone calls. He did however park in front of a neighbor's house last week (after the RO) and drove around the block whenever anyone drove by on the street. At least my family and I figured it was him the next day and were comparing stories.

My issue now is I feel guilty because he hasn't seen the girls in a couple weeks and we're coming up on Christmas. And the girls are asking to see him. He can't find anyone that I agree with to do the supervising and the official court supervisors are booked. I've even thought about doing it with my dad just so STBX and his family can see them for Christmas and because I'm objecting to who he is recommending (because the people either don't know what happened or don't believe it did and wouldn't stop anything). I don't want to keep him from his daughters, but I want to keep them safe. Any suggestions?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 3:13pm

Well that's really sad (but as is happens way too much of the time) that someone else has to become a victim before something can be done.

I am glad you contacted them, though. That was the right thing to do.

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