Is this sexual abuse?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Is this sexual abuse?
3
Fri, 10-13-2006 - 10:23pm

Please don't think I am niave! I am just so distraught I do not know what to do? I have been married for 16 years. I have been a victim of emotional and verbal abuse. Unfortuately, I am now realizing that I may have been a victim of sexual abuse also. My husband often forces me to have sex by telling me I don't have it with him enough and that I just don't have the same desires as him. He makes me feel so guilty that I just submit. I hate it. I can't stand when he touches me. He makes me think I am crazy. He tells me that we don't have sex for 3 to 4 weeks at a time. That is not true. I document it. Where and when. It averages to about 2 to 3 times a week. I try to tell him that he has to be home to have sex. Whenever he is home we have it. I document everything. I feel obligated to have sex.

It gets worse. My husband gave me HPV. I now have cervical cancer. I had surgery in April. We went away two weeks after my surgery. He was in the room during the surgery and heard the doctor say, 'nothing internally for 4 weeks.' He pressured me for sex on vacation. I tried to tell him that we have to wait. He told me that this was just another excuse. I don't love him. I don't appreciate him. He said he has just decided to be celibate because it is easier. He made me cry and feel so guilty that I gave in again. I am so angry with myself, but I felt helpless.

I am so embarassed to even write this. Please help me.
'

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Fri, 10-13-2006 - 11:00pm

Oh, sweetie, this is absolutely sexual abuse.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Fri, 10-13-2006 - 11:12pm

Welcome Madison :o)

I totally agree with Gonna. Your husband is not respecting your feelings. He does not care that you don't want to or that you really should not. He is only thinking about his feelings. This is definitley sexual abuse. He gets to the point where he makes you feel guilty and that is wrong. He knows what he is doing and he knows that you will eventually give in. After 16 years of being together I bet he knows exactly how you work and he knows exactly how to push your buttons.

Keep posting away and keep us updated. We are all here for you.

Lauren

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Sun, 10-15-2006 - 7:45pm
This is absolutely sexual abuse, to say nothing of emotional abuse, and you don't have to put up with it. Check out our website, accessible through the link at the top of the Start page. Abuse doesn't necessarily involve beating someone to a bloody pulp, and it is 100% WRONG no matter how it is carried out.
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