Should I be Scared??
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| Tue, 01-04-2005 - 9:14pm |
I am pretty sure I'm in a pretty emotionally abusive relationship although at times I feel like I am going crazy. It is just that he is manipulative and makes me feel like I am the abusive one.
He has said some kind of crazy things that I feel are pretty alarming but he passes them off to be a joke or completely normal. I am just wondering if anyone else has experienced the same thing and if I should be alarmed.
On 2 occasions he has out of the blue started rambling off hypothetical situations about killing me... once we were on the lake in his boat and he started saying 'You know that I could just kill you now and sink your body and noone would ever know.. '
Another time he kept asking me to go back on his boat with him because he knew that had freaked me out and started saying things like 'We could go out on my boat and I could take the concrete blocks, rope and tie you up, put you in garbage bags, sink you to the bottom, etc.' He said he got these ideas from a movie...
He has also said things to try to scare me - ie, that people were waiting outside my house to kidnap me, et
Then he has said things about hurting my dog as well... hypothetical stuff like.. 'Wouldn't you be scared if I put tape around 'your dog's' mouth and tied him up and put him at the end of your bed while you're sleeping?'
In addition, he has done numerous things to try to control me... such as holding me down when I try to leave his house.. or hiding my shoes when I try to leave, etc. Also light slapping, then laughing, pushing..
He works at the apartment complex where I live so it has been difficult for me to avoid him when I have tried to break things off with him. He is also VERY persistent when I break things off - phone calls and showing up at my door. I am attracted to him so it is hard for me to stay away even when I know it is wrong. I have also told my family about him who have told me to stay away from him... so now when I see him I am forced to lie when they ask if I have talked to him.
To top things off - I was recently diagnosed with herpes which I am positive came from him, as I was married for 5 years prior to him and my ex does not have it. I also think he may have known he had it. My self esteem is so low from the herpes that I keep thinking I should just stay with this guy because he knows I have it. Although he also uses this against me by saying that 'he accepts me with this disease and no other man will', etc.
I don't know what is wrong with me at this point that I still continue to talk to him. Sometimes I feel like I am brainwashed or something.
Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can be strong enough to get out of this ?
Am I in danger when I do get out? Are the kinds of things he has said and done indicative of someone who will try to seriously harm me?
Thanks!!!
L

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I am scared for you
please get help
Hi Again.
Thanks again for all of your advice. You are all right.
I have not spoken to him since I broke things off the last time. I started to think he must have moved on because he went a few days without emailing but then he just started calling again a couple of days ago. Last night he left a fairly agitated message on my voice mail. He said something about at least calling to say hi and I almost did just to appease him - but I didn't. I was on my way home to my parents house and I knew that he would not be able to find me if he wanted to so he can just be agitated.
The only reason I have not blocked his emails or changed my number is because I have been documenting each time he tries to contact me for proof of all of this. Maybe that is not important in this situation... I don't know.
My intentions are to tell my parents while I am here this weekend. The closer I get to telling them the more scared I get. I have been envisioning his reaction if he loses his job and I am afraid of what he will do.
I am also very afraid of my mom's reaction that I have still seen him because I do not want to make worry if I don't have to. I don't guess I mentioned this yet - but her best childhood girl friend was murdered by a guy similar to this when I was 16. Her worst fear is that happening to me and and she warned me about him already. I feel like I should have known better than to have gotten involved with him in the first place especially dut to what my mom has been through and what I have been through with that. I feel VERY guilty.
It is almost like if he doesn't call anymore I do not want to rock this boat, but at the same time I am so exhausted from the stress of this I can hardly breathe. I have no energy and the anxiety of living there wondering what his next move is going to be is absolutely wearing me out!
I know it is inevitable that I am going to have to come clean on this and get out of there - it is just proving to be a difficult thing to do.
Thanks for listening... you must all think I am dumb for waiting this long.
L
Hi everyone,
I didn't want to post again until I had something definitive to say about my situation but I'm feeling very alone and vulnerable so here I am again.
I took all of your advice and I did tell my mom last weekend the majority of my current situation. She was upset and did have some good pieces of advice but she did not react the way I expected which would have been to demand that I move out and rush here to help me. She thinks he is just an idiot who could be harmless and that I need to take extra measures of precaution and that if he doesn't go away I need to look for a job back home. I hate to change my entire life because of him.
It is good to have support from her again. The only thing is now he has continued to call and leave messages but I have not told her about that. I do plan to tell her about this asap.
I am feeling so alone and vulnerable right now that I have been tempted to pick up the phone or to call him back just to see what he wants. I know that seems crazy but I guess this weakness of mine is what has contributed to the sitation I am in. I know that if I so much as speak to him he will interpret that as that I love him.
I don't think I told you guys about the 'premonition' he told me he had on New Year's that someone was going to try to 'get me' in the parking lot. Well since then 2 girls have been assaulted here in the apartments. I don't know if this is a coincidence or what, but I'm scared. The description of the guy doesn't sound like him, but it's too weird.
I know what I need to do... the RO, etc. and I want to do it.. it is just taking me longer as it is tougher than I imagined. I am picturing myself having to run and hide for the rest of my life and that is hard to swallow. I want it to just go away.
It truly helps to get this out. Sometimes I don't feel like I am strong enough to do what I need to do but deep donw I know that I am.
Thanks again for all of your support!
L
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