Should I do this?....
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| Thu, 09-29-2005 - 3:13pm |
I don't know if you all have read my other post or not about my husband....
But I got an offer to move into another apartment that my best friend owns in another town. It's ten minutes from my job, as of now I drive 43 miles (1 hour) one way.
My husband doesn't know where this apartment is, and I don't have to pack anything except my clothes. I would have to pay all the bills like normal, I do now.
I want to know should I do this? I have almost convinced myself to, but I think I need that support to get me going. I could be moved out in less than two days. Logically I know what I need to do, but I am so scared that I am going to miss him.
I'd have my own place, 2 bedroom, just me and I kinda like that. But I am just really scared, can someone tell me why?
(It's kinda like that tattoo that I am going to get on Friday that he never wanted me to have.)

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Do it! I haven't posted on this board (& haven't been on iVillage in a while), but I had to respond to you. I know what you're going through. The hardest part for me was actually making the final decision to leave. Once I got out, while it wasn't easy, I knew it was the best decision I had ever made. I have renewed my family relationships & all of my old friendships, which is the best part. I'm not saying every day is gravy. It's not. But when he calls & apologizes (I have the same cell #) & tells me he's changed, I just have to look at what I wrote in my journal (I started it the day I left) at what I went through & I know I can't go back. He's now basically homeless, but I can't be the one that's responsible for him any longer. He's old enough to get a job & do what needs to be done.
In addition, seek counseling on YOUR OWN once you have left. It helps you figure out what is going on inside of you & it's nice to have someone to talk to that you feel like you can be 100% honest with.
Go For It!!!
In all honesty, what do you have to loose?
OMG.
This is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my life!
I feel like my head is about to burst into a million pieces and there are so many emotions like, EVERYWHERE, that I just cannot deal with this.
I tell myself this often now. I am too stressed to lead a happy marriage, and the fact that when I ask myself if I love him, I can't say yes anymore because I just don't know. And that tells me that if I don't know then I DON'T. I shouldn't have to ask myself that.
I just need to get guts to get myself up and GO! I need to go and I think I will start a mantra, like Nike, just do it.
I wanna pull my hair out, I want someone to make this decision for me. Like, just say, Girl, GO. NOW. Thank you to those who have done that for me, it actually gives me a bunch of strength. Considering the fact that my doorknob has been yanked out of my front door and I have no lock on my door, I'm thinkin' that I need to do this.
I'M SO MEGASTRESSED, IT'S AMAZING!
I'm only 20, I am too young for this! (lol) I'm feelin' better already.
I think I am worried that once I leave I won't be able to stay gone. Sigh. I'm afraid that he will get mad that I left too.
But logic overpowers me for a moment and my conscience is screaming at me "WHO CARES? WHO GIVES A CARE??????"
So, who am I to argue with my own conscience?????
Prayers, Please. I am half and half at this point!
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I will definitely keep you in my thoughts & prayers. This opportunity is God giving you a way out. I was lucky enough to be able to live with my parents for a few months, until an opportunity truely fell into my lap to move out, 7 miles away from work. The lack of commute is GREAT, let me tell you! ;-)
Yes, you will think of going back to him. Yes, he will be angry. But... NO, you don't have to give in & go back & keep taking the abuse. When you are doubting your strength, come here, or talk to your family & friends. They will be the ones to help you get over him. They won't understand the desire to go back (because they, most likely haven't been through it), but you have to try & stay strong for yourself. I am proof that you can get back to the person you were, or want to be, again.
This opportunity is your gift from God. Do it! Go girl go! Act now, think later! Your confusion and fear are normal and understandable, but don't let them stop you from doing what you know you need to do.
La la la...
I picked up and left last nite....
And it's better than any alcohol in the world!
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WOOHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
(Doing the happy dance all over the living room)
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