Should I tell the new g/f???

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Should I tell the new g/f???
6
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 10:46pm

Haven't posted here in forever! Quickly: Was dating a great guy for about 8 mos. He treated me like GOLD... however, he decided a couple of months ago h doesn't want more kids (big issue for me)and is still dealing with his life changing divorce, etc. So we broke up. He did the breaking. He knew I was thinking of moving to Georgia to be near my sister and that the kid issue was a tougb one. Plus he knew he could not take our relationship to the next level for a very long time. Yada Yada....It stinks! He was great to me but I really wish he had gotten his life together before he started dating me and filling my head with ideas of us being happily ever after. I feel that was selfish on his part and he did a 180 on me.

Anyway, my ex has been dragging his feet on his end of this divorce. He fired one lawyer, never hired a new one although he said he was going to...never contacted my lawyer so she could speak directly to him. (BIG surprise..not!) I finally just served him with papers based on Cruel/Inhumane treatment. Well, now he has a lawyer all of a sudden! They will agree to Constructive abandonment (means no sex for a year). I just want OUT!! He has been dating some woman since Sept or Oct. I know he was running around begging people not to tell her the real reason we were divorcing. I called him on this in the fall... why did i bother?? He wouldn't even admit to me he was dating someone. FYI: he was in an abuser's program, although I am skeptical about the program leader who was once an abuser himself! The leader "changed" and got back together with his wife. Needless to say he is a bit biased. I assume he finished it but don't know.

Anyway, I happened to find out that he has been using an old email address that is connected to my Cablevision account. I took a peek inside and found the g/f address, phone, email information. She had sent him a copy of her resume. She just moved back here from Europe. Turns out she is leaving an abusive husband too.
I want to tell her the truth soooo badly! I am not sure if it is because she deserves to know or I am just angry that he is in a relationship still and what I thought was going to be my happily ever after turned out to be a dud.

Do I tell or not?? (after my final papers are done of course) Also, there is a little piece of me that wonders if the abuser's program worked. Not that I would take him back but does that mean he could actually be treating her good while he sh*t all over me??? That just makes me MAD!!! Will I ever get my happy ending??

I am moving in 3 weeks to my sister's house in GA. I am really happy about it. I have not had family nearby since I was married - 7 years. I will get to spend a ton of time with my nieces, sister and even my brother in law. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2005
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 11:05pm
I don't know the right answer, but I know I wouldn't tell because I wouldn't want that drama in my life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 1:02am

Hey babe!

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 8:39am
A friend of mine went through the same thing with her ex. Only, she had told a friend, who told her own husband who then told the abusers fiance. It caused SO MUCH trouble and nearly got her sued for slander. I wouldn't do it.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 9:13am

Like Gabby and Sam have told you, DON'T do it.

5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 6:21pm

Thank you Ladies for talking me off the proverbial edge!! I know I was letting my emotions get the better of me. I need to just walk away. Gosh, just when I think I am so over this something just sends me reeling backwards!! UGH!! I think it also was irritating me that he was contesting the abuse cause of our divorce and wants to settle on constructive abandonment. I know it doesn't really matter as long as I get out. I just need to remember that!!

Wishful - HOWDY neighbor! :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 7:50pm
Big Ole Southern Hugs comin' your way Girly!!
5yrssm