Sick and Tired of being Sick and Tired
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 08-16-2006 - 10:53pm |
Hi all. I'm so happy to have found this forum. I've been wrapped in h*ll for almost 3 years. I'm so wrecked now that I enjoy nothing. Not even my awesome kids. I would never kill myself, but I just sometimes wish I'd die.
Before I met him, I was doing fine. He knocked me off my feet. I was so incredibly attracted to him and he moved swiftly. I didn't realize it was happening, but slowly but surely, I turned around one day and my life revolved around him. He was even jealous of time w/ my kids. Every man I knew, I must have slept with. I started to think F*cking Wh*re was my name. He started hitting. Would cry. Then one night it escalated and I left my own home w/ my kids and called the police. He went to jail for 5 whole months. During this time, he claimed to discover he is bipolar, went on meds and 'baby, I'm going to treat you so good'. Went he got out, I was still seeing him. With no one knowing, of course. I lived a double life. Very quickly it started up again. More emotional abuse than anything. My cell phone became a body part. If he tried to call and I didn't answer, I had to be sleeping w/ someone. My stepmother became very ill w/ cancer and I started making trips down south, as she was dying. Of course I was sleeping w/ someone down there. Then she died and I went. He harassed the living life out of me. I turned my phone off and had 18 messages in one night. Even from women. I went home and I was 'done'. But he explained he was acting out because he needs to be w/ me, blah blah. It just got worse and he was now saying terrible things of not only me, but my kids. Every freaking body was a threat. And I really wanted him to leave me be. And he was seeing someone else. Would call from her phone! Psycho to emotional. One night it went over the top, kept calling me, threating to kill, etc. I called the police. kept calling. no cops. Long story short, he ended up in jail again. One year, served 10 months.
He got out in Dec. This time it was 'I've never served hard time like that, I'm gonna change.' Everything has always been blamed on alcohol, drugs, anything. Thing is, he is straight prick when stone cold sober. Just escalates when intoxicated. Of course I fell for the 'change'. Since December, I could've had him arrested numerous times. No more hitting, terrible emotional hell- name calling, awful accusations, even throws other women's names at me..has literally destroyed my mind. And the harassment. Can easily call 17 times in ten minutes. I could go on and on. So to wrap this up, Many Many times I told him he needed intensive therapy, not drink, etc. I've put up w/ so much. And I'm tired. I've been easing out and it hasn't been easy. NOW, he is going to hardcore therapy for violent men. But I'm sure I've seen statistics that chances of change are minimal. And since I don't want to try, I MUST be wanting someone else- that's his take. I'm going crazy. Started therapy, but have had one session. I realize I cannot make him see my point. Just always have the nagging guilt that "I" have something to prove. Just sux. Thanks for reading.
