sick of trigger dates!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
sick of trigger dates!
8
Tue, 08-23-2011 - 9:43pm
I will be so glad when all of them pass without me knowing but have a feeling this one won't till ds gets past it too. The start of school has always been rough with him. I can remember when the smallest change set him off but the start of school still gives me a headache with him. But six years ago two days before school started we arrived in ny to start over away from my ex. Last year shortly after school started was the first time I called the police on my son. He hit me in the arm as I was driving out of a parking lot. His counselor and I were really worried about last year since he was starting high school. I am hoping this year goes better and we both get past this first week of September with no problems. It is really hard to deal with and do what u need to when its ur child abusing you an

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-23-2011 - 9:46pm
Grrr stupid smart phone. It's hard to admit ur child has picked up on the abuse. And yes winter ur recent post made me think of this stuff but it is true and I hope it helps u to see others deal with it too. When I am home I will post about my oldest

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Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Thu, 08-25-2011 - 10:29am

~hugs~

Nightangel
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Registered: 01-03-2011
Thu, 08-25-2011 - 1:42pm
I really hope this school year kick-off goes smoothly for you and your family. I know how hard certain dates/times of year can be. *hugs*
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-25-2011 - 3:45pm
So far things are looking good. He starts to build as I call it a couple of weeks before the explosion and with 2 weeks before school starts there is no building. He has been fine. I'm not because I'm worried about the explosion. They keep getting worse and I'm worried I will get hurt and I don't want to call the police on him again. He knows he is due for one because hes now being warned and this is the first tiume we have tried this and I'm hoping it doesn't back fire on me. I worry to much but like I said its rough when the abuser is ur child.

I remember many years ago when I started having to restrain him crying afterwards. I held him in my lap with a pillow behind his head because he would slam his head into my chest. I cried thinking if he wasn't my child I would call the cops on him and had no clue how to do that. Many years later I still don't know how to because its hard to. I understand his anger and feel a lot of guilt but he can't be allowed to think its ok.

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Registered: 01-03-2011
Thu, 08-25-2011 - 4:46pm
I remember there being a family who my family was very close to that had a very similar situation. The father was very abusive and when the kids were around 11/12 the parents divorced. I remember the son having extreme outbursts and harming those around him, especially his mother and his little sister. On the upside, I've seen him fairly recently (now in his mid-20's) and he seems very together and a lot more stable. It really gives me hope for your son - that he will be ok and you will be ok, knowing how well that situation turned out in that situation. I know it's rough though, but you seem to have the needed stop gap measures in place (calling the police when needed and a counselor for your son) and are handling it the best anyone could. I really admire you.
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-25-2011 - 6:35pm

Thank you! That does make me feel better. I am hopeful that DS will get past everything and learn how to treat people. This summer I have seen a huge improvement with him. He worked and his boss wasn't the nicest of people to work for. I wanted to step in but made myself let DS deal with it but that was mainly because DS was dealing with it fine. He came home from work and vented but did not take his bad day out on us like he has in the past. He never threatened to not go into work like he did last summer it was great =). I am sure we are not past all the bad things but he is making improvements and hopefully he will keep making improvents,

On to my oldest like I promised. My oldest is 17 and been a life saver for me. I honestly do not know how I would have survived the last six years without her. She has helped me out a lot. But because of that I fear she ended up thinking he was on a friend level with me other then a mother/daughter. Now some can be friends with their kids and it works out fine but this isn't working in my house. DD gets upset when she isn't included in anything I do and if something is normally her and I and one of her siblings come along she gets grumpy. She doesn't like it most the time if her siblings want to go to the store wih us!! Because of J helping me so much and the guilt I feel over things I have let her get away with to much and that on top of her thinking we are more friends then mother/daughter it is biting me in the backside!!

She thinks she can talk to me anyway she wants and does when things aren't going her way. She will ask me questions about things that are none of her business. A month or so back she told me DS's explosions are my fault because I am never home. This past Sunday I had the chance to go to a concert but didn't due to her throwing a fit and telling me how I never spend anytime with them yet we had all gobe out to dinner together on Friday! She thinks what she does is not bad because she does not hit me (without saying it she is throwing DS's behavior in my face since he has hit me). I do not know what to do with her!! The other day she bad mouthed me to a friend of mine!

DD's behavior is more my fault then anyone else's because I let her


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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-25-2011 - 6:39pm

PS the trigger dates also get to me so bad because it starts way before the date hits!! This one is not till September 2 but it is already getting to me. GRRR!! Is this normal? Now the July 5th one went by unnoticed this year for me so I was very happy about that one so am I making up for it with this one?

My oldest wants to get a tattoo of a dove with a banner and on the banner she is putting Sept 2, 2005 because that is the day we left South Carolina for NY and in her words that is when everything stopped. She had to ask me for the date. Sad thing is it did for her because she didn't see him much after that but it still went on for me but I am still going to go with that as our freedom date so in just under 2 weeks it will be six years of freedom and it has taken that long for me to pick a freedom date, lol.


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Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Thu, 08-25-2011 - 9:45pm

~hugs~

Lately "Everyday" seems like a Freedom day to me!!!

Nightangel